Page 9 of Denial

“You know King is just protective of his cousin, yeah?” I ask her, sitting down in the chair at her desk and staying far away from her bed.

“He’s right, Jinx. I’m not sure when you’re gonna see the damage that you’re doing, but I can’t keep being your barrier. Yes, I like our friendship and I’m thankful that you’ve been here for me since the day Killer and you saved me from that pile of rubble. You’ve been there for me no matter what I need or what’s going on in your life. However, King and everyone else is right. We’re hurting Hope and that’s the last thing I want to do. She belongs here and I’m still not sure what I’m going to do moving forward. Once I have enough money saved, I’ll more than likely leave here and there’s nothing I can do to help the situation with Hope if we continue on as we have been,” Morgan says, her voice filled with emotion as she looks at me and I can see the moisture gathering in her eyes.

“I don’t want our friendship to end, Morgan. If Hope, or anyone else, can’t deal with the friendship we have, then they don’t need to be in my life,” I state, pain filling my chest with the thought of never having Hope in my life because of this decision.

“Jinx, the decision isn’t yours to make. I will always be here for you, but it’s time for me to broaden my circle and start letting people in. I can’t rely on you and only you. I’ve been thinking about this and I’ve realized that I’ve been so starved for any kind of friendship and intimacy that I latched on to you the second you saved me. For the longest time, I couldn’t see the pain we were causing Hope because it didn’t matter to me. You’ve shown me that there are good people in the world and I need to find them and create my own life surrounded by people I can trust and let into my life completely.

“Hope has loved you for a very long time. I don’t have to know anything about your shared history to realize that. The way she looks at you is more than enough for anyone to see that she is in love with you. You’re not some passing phase she wants to have to piss her dad off or anything else. Hope wants you because of the man you are and what she sees when she looks at you. The same stuff I’ve seen since I’ve been here. The only difference between Hope and me is that you love her. When you think no one’s paying you attention, you follow her with your eyes all over the clubhouse. If Hope smiles or laughs, you smile just from seeing the pure joy on her face. When she’s upset, you hold yourself back from going to her and offering the comfort you know she needs. The two of you were made for one another and it’s time for you to realize that you really do love her and need her in your life,” Morgan says, sadness filling her voice as she picks at the edge of her blanket and lets her mind wander.

“She’s leavin’ the clubhouse. Hope is waitin’ for Killer to get to town so he can check out an apartment for her. I thought I had more time to just be near her, but the reason she’s leavin’ here is because of me. Vault just told me before I came to check on you. Morgan, I’ve loved Hope for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, I knew Killer wasn’t gonna give me a chance to be with her. I had to prove myself to him and show him I’m the kind of man who can not only protect his daughter, but give her everythin’ she wants and needs. Even now I don’t believe I’m good enough for Hope. No one is good enough for her. It’s one of the reasons Killer protected her the way he did for so long,” I say, frustration filling me as I look at Morgan and see the determination in her eyes and the way she’s got her head tilted.

“Jinx, I don’t honestly know a man who is better for Hope than you are. You can give her everything she needs and wants and I know you will without hesitation. Because of the love you have for Hope, you are already ahead of everyone else interested in her. Now you just need to get over your fear that you’re not good enough, talk to Killer, and make Hope believe that your past isn’t what it seems and that there truly is nothing going on between the two of us. When you do that and Hope lets you in, she’ll be the best woman and will give you every piece of her heart because that’s who she is. Get out of here and start fixing the damage that’s been done,” Morgan says, getting off her bed and waiting for me to stand from the chair to leave her room.

When Morgan closes the door behind me, I make my way to the common room and find Hope just entering. She looks at me and our eyes lock on one another. Everyone else in the room fades to nothing as I take in every inch of the woman I love. Hope is wearing a tight tank top with the club’s colors on the front and a pair of jeans that mold to her legs making them appear longer than normal. Her hair is up in her standard messy knot and there’s no make-up on her face. Pain fills her eyes and it breaks my heart because I know I’m the reason behind that look. She blinks and the hold locking us in place disappears. Hope continues walking through the common room and meets up with King at the bottom of the stairs. They talk for a few minutes before he follows her upstairs and I know they’ll lock themselves in one of their rooms for the rest of the night.

“Is Morgan okay?” Annabell asks, walking up to me with her daughter in her arms.

“Yeah. She’s been thinkin’ a lot about things and made me realize what we’ve been doin’. I never wanted to hurt Hope. That’s never been my intention but I can’t seem to stop when it comes to her. Hope is the only girl I’ve ever loved and Morgan made me realize that all of my fears and the bullshit gettin’ in the way of me claimin’ her don’t fuckin’ matter,” I tell Annabell knowing she won’t say a word to anyone because that’s who she is.

“Everyone, Killer included, knows you love Hope. Jinx, you couldn’t keep that a secret if it’s what you wanted to do. Hope can’t keep the fact that she loves you a secret either. The two of you are drawn to one another and even when you’re not speaking, you still want to have her at your side. Don’t waste more time than you already have, Jinx. If anyone knows that shit, it’s Vault and me. We lost so much time and it breaks my heart to see the two of you losing even more than we did. You could’ve had Hope from the time she was old enough to be with you. Instead, you keep playing your games and don’t let yourself take a chance and go for the girl you want,” Annabell tells me with a soft smile on her face as she looks at her husband walking in the room with their son following along behind him.

“I’m going to fix this, Annabell. I don’t want to lose any more time with her. That’s if she’ll even forgive me for all the bullshit I’ve done over the years,” I say, pain filling my voice as Vault steps up to us and pulls his wife and daughter into his arms.

“That’s what I wanna hear, Jinx. Get yourself right so you can talk to Killer when he gets here. He’ll be here in two days. I just got off the phone with him. It’s gonna be a fuckin’ fight, but if you want Hope, I know you’ll do whatever it takes. That’s why we’ve all be so fuckin’ hard on you,” Vault states, a smile on his face with the thought of everyone in the club riding my ass about Hope.

With a nod of my head, I leave the couple alone and head for my room. I’ve got the room right next to Vault’s that Annabell had when she first moved here. I’ve made the space my own and right now it’s a damn mess. Unlocking the door, I let myself in and close it behind me. After making sure it’s locked, I start cleaning up the mess I’ve made until there’s nothing left to clean. I’ll have Morgan vacuum the floors and take care of the laundry tomorrow when I’m not here. With my mind made up about Hope, I won’t allow her in my room with me or enter her room with her. With nothing left to clean, I strip and toss my clothes into the hamper before heading for a shower. Today has been long as fuck and I’m ready to get in bed and sleep all the bullshit away.

Chapter Six

Hope

YESTERDAY WAS THE worst day of my life. I went out with Becker like I said I would and he was worse than Bronx made him sound. When we met at the café, Becker was already there and talking to three other women. Even when I stepped up to his side, he didn’t stop his conversation so I left and ordered my coffee. The plan was to leave him with the other women and head back to the compound. This weekend I’m doing inventory at the store and it will be closed. I want to take a nap so I can go there tonight and work for as long as possible so we’re not closed for more than a day while I inventory the entire place. Raptor is going to show up and help me, but I don’t expect him to be there as long as I am. This was my idea and I’ll take care of it so he can focus on club business while he’s not working. I know they have a run coming up and Raptor will be one of the men leaving on it. No, I wasn’t told about the run. I overheard the guys talking about it being a day run instead of the three days they were anticipating to begin with. It doesn’t take a lot to hear shit when you’re around the clubhouse.

After getting my coffee, Becker caught up with me outside the café and acted as if he wasn’t just surrounded by women, flirting and completely ignoring me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my cousin following us on foot as we started to walk down the street. Becker was a fucking asshole to everyone around us. When I smiled at others we passed, he would tell me how horrible they were or that I shouldn’t lower my standards in order to simply smile at another person. What really pissed me off is when I waved to the guys when they passed by on their bikes. Yeah, they knew where I was and made sure to pass by and make it very known that I was with them. Becker scoffed and told me what a bunch of trash the guys were and how much worse they’re making the city of Pine View. That’s when I lost my shit and unleashed on the stupid fuck.

“Are you serious right now? What did you do to help everyone after the storms? Were you out there cleaning up rubble, saving those who had been injured and buried under piles of buildings that had fallen down?” I question him as Becker looks at me with shock filling his eyes followed quickly by anger.

“I would never help those beneath me, Hope. No one in this city deserves a damn thing from me. I’m making it known to you now before you fall into the same category. However, I think I’m wrong about you considering you obviously know those dirty degenerates on the bikes,” Becker said, his voice full of loathing as King’s steps quickened and I shook my head to hold him off.

“Those men aren’t dirty degenerates as you call them. They’re the best men I’ve ever met in my life and family. That club saves women and kids from horrible situations I’m sure you help them find themselves in. They go out of their way to help anyone in need and have several charity runs a year to ensure no one in their community goes without. When I need them to pick me up or keep me grounded, those men are there without hesitation and they won’t see anything I do as not good enough. I’m perfect the way I am in their eyes. Now, I think this was a mistake and we should just go our separate ways now,” I state, anger lacing my voice as I feel Becker’s hand brush against mine that’s holding my coffee.

“Hope, I didn’t mean to piss you off. But, you have to know that those bikers aren’t the kind of men you should align yourself with. They aren’t your family. They might help you now, but it’s not going to last. Not unless you’re already fucking them. But, I guess that doesn’t come as a surprise for the type of girl you are,” Becker says as I go to take a sip of my coffee only for it to be knocked from my hand and go flying through the air by King.

“Wrong, you stupid fuck. I am one of those bikers and Hope’s family. She’s my cousin. Not only am I in the club, but her dad is the Enforcer for the Mother chapter of the club. My dad, her uncle, is the tech guy. So, yes, those men are her family and nothing you say will ever fuckin’ change that. Those men will give their lives to protect this girl right here. I will give my life for my cousin every fuckin’ second it comes down to that. For you to insinuate that she’s fuckin’ bikers just because isn’t somethin’ I wanna hear again because my cousin isn’t a fuckin’ slut whorin’ her way through a club like the women you associate with. I’ve done a search on you, Becker. You don’t know what the word no means and you have a long list of crimes that Mommy and Daddy have gotten you out of. Now, I just watched you drug my cousin and you think I’m gonna let that shit fuckin’ slide? No, I’m not,” King says as I stare dumbfounded at Becker who has a cruel smile on his face as he stares at me.

“Well, I figured I’d up the odds of me fuckin’ the biker slut,” Becker states, completely fine with the fact that he just drugged my coffee.

I’ve never been drugged a single time in my life. I move to Pine View and within months I’m drugged by a guy I met at fucking work. What the fuck is so wrong with me? Why can’t anyone want me for me and nothing more than that?

Tears fill my eyes as pain like I’ve never felt before consumes me. King wraps me in his arms and glares over my head at Becker.

“If Hope weren’t upset, I’d beat your fuckin’ ass so bad your parents won’t recognize you,” King promises him as Becker starts laughing his ass off.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. You ain’t got shit on me, biker bitch,” Becker states as I pull away from my cousin and turn to face the fucker who thinks it’s okay to take what women don’t want to give him willingly. Disgust fills me as I take him in from head to toe.

“The men in the club would never resort to drugging a woman to get them to fuck. Women flock to them because they know even if they ride a bike and have an attitude, they’re safe with the men in my life. A few minutes with you, and you try to drug me. Becker, you’re less than nothing and I’m not surprised that no one wants you,” I state as I watch Becker raise his fist while glaring at me.

If he could blow smoke out of his ears like those cartoons, that’s what would be happening right now. Becker is pissed as fuck and he’s going to try to hit me in front of King. In seconds, I’m pushed behind my cousin and watch on as he proceeds to beat the fuck out of Becker in the middle of the sidewalk. A few people stop walking and watch the beat down take place. The women are all smiling and I know Becker has hurt them in one way or another.

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