Page 1 of Kings of Violence

ONE

Sierra

I stabmy spoon into my pint of ice cream, wishing I was stabbing James’ smug face instead.

Ugh.

It had taken me a long time to realize just what a dick he was — is — and now that I’m out of that relationship, it’s like I’m finally seeing clearly for the first time in six months.

It doesn’t make it any easier to cope with being cheated on, but a trip to the shoe store and a night in with an explosion-filled action movie and a lot of ice cream are helping some.

Dumping James had been the best thing I’d done all year, so why am I so miserable?

Realizing I’d been gaslit and fucked over had done a number on my pride.

Ma walks past the family room and peers in. “Did you eat the entire pint? You’ll get fat if you keep doing that.”

I roll my eyes at the familiar jab, letting it slide off of me. Half the reason she’s being so critical is because she’s struggling to cope with the total ruin of our family. Between Pa’s death, Sean going to jail, and Kyran abandoning us for his lover, Ma’s entire life has beenderailed. She has her daughter-in-law and grandchildren — and she has me.

“If I get fat, I get fat,” I answer, pointedly eating more ice cream. “At least shallow pricks won’t want me anymore then.”

Abusivepricks like my ex, though I won’t admit that to my mother. She’s always been the type to blame the woman.

Sometimes I wonder how I ended up so different from her.

“You should go to bed,” I tell her, and it’s only partially because it’s late. I should’ve stayed at my apartment, but ever since everything I am pointedly not thinking about had happened last year, I haven’t been fond of being alone.

“So should you,” Ma answers. She walks over to the coffee table and starts picking up my dirty dishes. “If your father were alive, he wouldn’t want to see you moping around like this.”

If he were alive, I could have told him all about what James did and gotten a more visceral kind of revenge.

I’m not that kind of person though, I remind myself. I’m not violent like my father had been, like my brothers are.

I don’t want to leave Ma with nothing because I’m too stupid to stay within the lines of the law.

“Ma, don’t clean for me,” I say, reaching out to stop her. “I can handle it. You just go to bed?—”

The power cuts out, plunging the room into darkness.

We both go quiet.

A few seconds later, I hear the distinct sound of a gunshot.

I wish I didn’t recognize it.

Fuck.

All I have with me is a goddamn spoon. Not my phone, not thegunmy brother Kyran insists I carry everywhere. Just a small metal spoon.

“Ma,” I whisper. “We have to get to the safe room.” I set down the ice cream container and grab her hand. It’s shaking, and I realize she’s still holding the mugs. I take them from her, and she lets me, her fingers going slack as soon as she isn’t touching them.

She doesn’t move, though, until I give a firm yank of her arm. Now isn’t the time to freeze or panic.

There will be plenty of time for both later.

Sometimes I wonder how she managed to stay married to a gang leader without becoming stronger, harder. I guess Pa had really shielded her from this world.

Or maybe Pa had made her believe she couldn’t do anything without him.

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