Page 71 of Stay, Swear.

“I thought I lost you. Kieran, I’ve been terrified for days thinking I was going to have to go through the rest of this life without you. I can’t do that. I can do a lot of things alone. I can fight my own battles, and take care of myself. I can do those things, but if you aren’t on this Earth, I can’t. I’m so in love with you I don’t think I’d survive without you. I was so scared.” Her voice breaks on the last word.

“It’s okay. I’m right here, you’re right here, we’re fine, and I am so proud of you. You slayed your monsters on your own. Not everyone could do that, but you did. I love you so much Phoenix. I came back for you, baby.”

“What do you mean you came back?”

“I was with my Da and Ma. I talked to them, hugged them. I wanted to stay with them, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave you. I had to come back. I swore to stay.” I can feel her tears soaking my side as her tears stream down her face.

“I’m so sorry I scared you. I’m wearing Kevlar at every job from now on, I promise.”

She lets out a watery laugh, “I think your brothers will make you even if you don’t want to. I was so scared, but so were they. You guys are a unit, Kie. They can’t make it without you, just like you guys couldn’t function correctly when you weren’t talking to each other. Mac hasn’t left here either, Dec only leaves for work, Rowan to take Rhett to and from school, and bedtime. The twins leave long enough to go to school and practices, then they’re back. Eventhe lucky onesare camped out in the waiting room. They don’t come back, they just want to be here for support. You are so insanely loved,babe.”

“I may be insanely loved, and I’m thankful for that. But all I need is to be loved by you.”

She smiles at me before snuggling in tight. My chest begins to ache, and I could assume it’s probably the cut down my sternum, but I know better than that, it’s because she’s been hurting for five days and I couldn’t make it go away or help her. My brothers had to take care of her while I couldn’t, and that makes my chest ache most of all.

It doesn’t take long for Nix’s breathing to even out. The dark bags under her eyes speak for themselves. Mac and Dec quietly make their way back into my room.

“The twins had practice, and Roe went to take Clara and Bear home. Ry’s in the waiting room, waiting for the okay from you. He hasn’t left either, he followed us here and has been waiting for someone to tell him how to help. He wouldn’t come back here until you woke up.” Dec says as he and Mac lean against the wall.

“Why? He’s just as much my brother as you guys are?”

“He doesn’t do well in hospitals, you know that.” Mac reminds me before continuing, “Did you know about Riley?” His voice is so small, so broken, like when I was hurt last time.

“Yeah, little brother. James told us the night before. We were going to sit everyone down when we got home that night. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I want to find her. Bring her back here so Theo and Elle can put her to rest properly, with her mother.”

“That’s a great idea. As soon as I’m cleared to go home we’ll do that, okay?” He locks eyes with mine, his blood shot. I’m sure he’s been a wreck since he found out.

“Okay, and Pigeon too, she was her friend too.”

“I think we’ll all go, Mac. We all loved her.” Declan chimesin.

* * *

It took us hours to convince Nix to go home, shower, eat something that wasn’t out of a machine, and take a minute to herself. She kissed me before she walked out and I promised to not even go to sleep until she got back. I’m so tired, though, so I’m kicking my own ass for that one. I’ve just set my phone down from replying to Rowan when Ryan slowly walks through the door.

“Hey, man.” He’s looking everywhere but at me as he talks.

“Ryan, I’m right here. It’s just me laying in a bed, ignore the rest, brother.” Motioning to the chair beside me, my eyes trail him as he walks around and sits back in the shitty recliner.

“Kieran, what the fuck, man?” He lets out an unamused laugh.

“I know. How the fuck did they get you?” I ask, thinking back to the day he was taken.

“I was unarmed and they blew Collin’s head off right beside me. I didn’t have much of a choice.” He looks away.

“Where was your piece? What the fuck, Ry?”

“I gave it to Nix. I went to grab Collin’s but it was just quicker to grab my own. Keep your girl safe, no matter the cost. I knew what I was getting into when you asked me to be her lead guard. So I did what I had to do. I kept her safe. I did my job.”

His response blows my mind, to have a best friend as loyal as Ryan is unheard of. Especially in this world. It’s not easy to find a friend who’d voluntarily lay his own life down for you and your family. Ryan blows out a long breath before lookingover to me, then shaking his head with a small chuckle.

“So you’re getting out of here and we’re going back to The Pit, right?”

Now it’s my turn to laugh, “Yeah, I’ll get right on that.”

Just like that we ease right back into our normal. Ryan stays with me until Nix comes back. By that time my eyes are barely open. She walks in and places a chaste kiss on my lips before saying our goodbyes to Ryan and her climbing into the bed beside me. They’ve told us to get her out of the bed all day, but we’ve had to sleep apart for five days, and I’ll be damned if I let it be six. Right as we start drifting off she grasps my hand in hers, which makes my eyes fly to hers.

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