Page 68 of The Friend Zone

This is why I wanted to have this conversation in private. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.

“I just—I love you, Cole. I’ve been in love with you for a long time, but I feel the same way about Ryker. I get it if you’re mad at me, but I don’t know what to do. I love each of you with all my heart, I don’t think I could ever choose between you.”

Ryker hinted at the fact that he might be willing to date me even with Cole and maybe even Jagger in the picture. I’m just terrified that Cole will ask me to choose. If he does, what am I going to do? Just the idea of letting go of either of them feels like having my heart ripped apart.

“I know,” Cole finally says, brushing the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip.

“You know?”

He nods. “Yeah. Ryker told me last week that you two were together. He also said that he was willing to coexist if I was.”

His dark blue eyes are inscrutable, so I have to ask. “And are you?”

He swallows, his strong throat working as those mysterious eyes stay on me. “I’ve had some time to think about it. A part of me wants you all to myself. It’s that selfish part that would rather hit you on the head with my hockey stick and drag you into my room caveman style.”

One of the things I’ve always loved about Cole is that he always finds a way to make me laugh.

“That’s quite the imagery.” I tease him, but my heart is fluttering in my throat. What if that’s his final answer? “Is that how you feel?”

Cole shakes his head. “No. Surprisingly, it’s not. And besides, even if I wanted to drag you into my cave, I don’t have one. I just got evicted, remember?”

It’s funny, despite how serious his situation is. “So you’re a cave-less caveman?”

Amusement shines in the blue depths of his eyes. “Yup. I would rather be homeless than be without you though, Bay. I mean it. And I owe you an apology.”

“You do?” That’s it. His kiss turned my brain into pink goo and all I’m capable of is stupid questions.

“Yeah. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been avoiding you, baby. I was a shitty friend and I hope you can forgive me. I have no excuse for not being there when you needed a friend other than being an idiot. I got so wrapped up in my fear of being thrown out of the house if I didn’t respect Topher’s bro-code, that I didn’t see what I was about to lose. In my defense, I thought you didn’t feel the same about me. My heart was broken that you’d rebound with Jagger and consider going out with Ryker while I was stuck in the friend zone. That doesn’t excuse my behavior though and I hope you can forgive me.”

This is crazy.

“Cole, I realized my feelings for you were way more than a friendship sometime last year. I was still with Topher though so it was complicated. Besides, I thought you saw me just as a friend. Like one of the guys.”

Cole’s eyes widen. “One of the guys? Baby, that’s insane. I’ve had a crush on you from the second I saw you at the Gamma-Zeta rush week party freshman year.”

This is news to me. “Really? So why didn’t you say anything then?”

His smile fades away. “I wanted to that night, but by the time I psyched myself up to come and talk to you, you were gone. The next time I saw you, you were out on a date with Topher.”

There’s something in his story that leaves me wondering. “Did you need to psych yourself? Cole, you aren’t the shy type. That sounds a little far fetched.”

“Maybe I’m not shy if I’m looking for a hookup. But if I truly like someone, I’m just as afraid of rejection as anyone else.” His gaze softens. “You don’t see yourself, Bay, do you? You aren’t just beautiful. You’re smart, witty and confident. You’re fucking intimidating. I spent the entire night talking myself into coming to say hi, I was just too late. A couple of hours of hesitation ended up costing me three years.”

I shake my head, trying to come to terms with what he just told me. “I kinda get it. But still, Cole. It was just me.”

Ryker backs him. “He isn’t wrong, Cinnamon. Why do you think I kept antagonizing you when we first met and always ended up sounding like a complete douche? If I had just wanted to fuck you, I wouldn’t have been so nervous.”

I swear I’ll never understand men. “But if you liked me, why did you refuse to kiss me at the Rush Fair, when Topher gave you that chip? That’s when I was really sure you didn’t see me that way.”

Cole pulls me closer, his eyes such a deep blue that I could drown in them. “I was fucking terrified of what would happen if I liked kissing you as much as I thought I would. You were still reeling from your breakup and I didn’t want to ruin things between us. I’ve been dying to kiss you and to have you in my arms, Bay. But I would rather have suffered the pain of not knowing how it felt than risking our friendship if you didn’t feel the same way or if you weren’t over Topher.”

I understand that. “I don’t know, maybe back then I wasn’t totally over the breakup.”

Cole chuckles, but there’s no mirth in it. “Baby, come on. Of course you weren’t over it. I know you found out he was cheatingin the worst way possible, but you up and ran away to Europe. What did you expect me to think?”

What a mess. “I didn’t just run away because of Topher.” I admit. “Finding him in my bed with Bianca sucked, but I was more angry than heartbroken. The truth is that that night I had been looking for him to break up with him after Lake told me about the dare.”

Cole sighs. “Yeah, that was fucked up. He was blackmailing pretty much the entire team and Lakyn to keep us all quiet.”

---