Page 22 of The Friend Zone

My home burned down though, I have nowhere to go. The Gamma house is just a temporary place. It never felt like home, not even when Topher and I were dating.

Everyone will go back to the house after the game for the usual party, so I wouldn’t be alone anyway. The music and the laughter would keep me up all night and disturb my wallowing.

With such slim options, I go to the game and take my seat on the other side of the boards right behind the Knights’ bench.

I think they lose.

I’m not even sure because I don’t pay attention.

My body is here, but I’m not. I even jump a few times in unison with the other Cove Knights’ fans.

In reality I’m just an empty shell, kept together by the determination that I’m not going to cry.

To be honest, I don’t even think I could cry right now even if I wanted to. In my effort to not let Jagger see how upset I was, I think I pushed the tears too far down for them to find their way back out.

Good.

Numb is better than the alternative.

The problem with my state of numbness is that I don’t know how long it’s going to last.

It takes me as far as the post game party at the Gamma house. I don’t even know how I made it here. Driving in shock should be as illegal as drinking and driving or texting and driving, but it got me here unscathed at least tonight.

The house is already crowded and I have to give it to the people I go to school with. Winning or losing, the party must go on.

Someone greets me and I nod in response, but don’t stop to make small talk.

I don’t care if the noise from the party is going to make it impossible to sleep. My mood is as far from celebratory ashumanly possible and right now I can’t handle being around other people.

I make my way toward the stairs as quickly as I can, weaving through the crowd of dancers.

The last thing I want is to bump into Topher or, God forbid, Jagger.

My feet carry me toward the safety of the stairs as I look around to make sure the coast is clear.

So far so good… well, almost.

This isn’t my lucky night, that much is obvious.

I had almost made it to the base of the stairs when I catch movement in my peripheral vision.

Someone is waving at me.

The numbness that has been protecting me until now decides to leave me in the exact moment my eyes land on Candace.

She waves a second time, beaming at me with Jagger’s arm wrapped around her shoulder.

It’s not her fault. It’s not her fault. I keep repeating that to myself like a mantra, because it’s true.

No one knew about my deal with Jagger. Even when Ryker inadvertently outed us before pushing me into the pool, I doubt many people heard him over the noise of the party. The only people who might have heard him were Cole, Topher and a handful of others who were within earshot.

So I can’t blame Candace for hooking up with him. Hooking up with the hockey team is what she’s been doing since she was a freshman. Candace is a puck bunny, but she’s one of the good ones. She would never hook up with any player who’s in a relationship.

I still can’t bring myself to wave back at her, even though the only one to blame in this situation is Jagger.

Our eyes meet for just an instant and we both look away.

His gaze burns like the sun, or maybe it’s the tears that decide to make their appearance at the worst possible time.

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