Page 55 of Hockey Heart

“I came… For you,” I managed to say, suddenly overcome with shyness.

She gave me a puzzled look back. I knew I would have to elaborate, but now I was faced with her, I didn’t know how to. The voices continued to hum around us, but they felt likethey were in a different place entirely.Hayden, have a drink with me! I love you, Hayden! Hey,sign my beer!

Back in my first game for the Ice-Hawks, I’d had rocks in my stomach the whole game. All the things I knew how to do were somehow stifled and slow and difficult. I did okay perhaps, but I knew I wasn’t there to do “okay”. Late into the third period, Coach Brady called a time-out at fifty-seven minutes with the scores at 2-2.

“Hayden, you’re out there for the next rush.”

He’d looked me straight in the eye, like we were the only two people in that arena of noise, and then told me, “Listen, kid. Block it all out and let everything feel loose. You’re overthinking it, trying too hard. Do what’s natural and the rest will come.”

Suddenly, I’d felt calm. The fans, the lights, the emotion, the fear in my guts, it was all just noise. At the fifty-ninth minute, their right-winger fumbled a pass, and I was on him like a shot, putting him down on the ice and rolling like a steam train over the blue line. I’d exchanged two quick passes with Solly without even thinking about it, faced up their goaltender, and then the whole stadium had erupted.

Now, stood there in front of Sarah, in the game of a lifetime, I closed my eyes and took a long, deep breath. The bar drifted away, the hands pulling on my sleeve. Whoever that guy with her was. The feeling of impending failure. None of it existed. Only her. Only this.

“Sarah. Since I met you, my world has been a mess. I can’t explain it, except that when I’m with you, I don’t feel lost anymore. There’s no one in this whole world that sees me like you do. It only seems to make sense with you. And without you, it’s making me go crazy.”

The hands stopped grabbing at me and the voicesaround us quietened, except for one who yelled, “Hey! Stop the music!”

Those gorgeous soft eyes that made my chest throb looked up at me as she spoke.

“Hayden. Since you came into my life, I’ve been losing everything. It scares me that none of this is real. That, even though it’s what I want, what’s waiting for me at the end is only going to be painful.”

My breath beat harder. I couldn’t give this up.

“You’re not the only one who’s scared, Sarah. I’m terrified of this. For me. For Maiden. Every time a woman comes into our lives, everything gets worse.”

“Maybe it’s just your choice in women, Hayden?” She shot back at me.

I loved it when she looked at me and those small crinkles at the edge of her beautiful eyes made the world feel suddenly soft and light.

“Could be,” I smiled back. “But when I’m not with you, I’m thinking of you, and when I’m with you, it’s the only time I feel real.”

Sarah took a step toward me and, as she did so, I put my hand in my pocket, my fingers finding their way around the edges of the ring. Her ring.

She’d told me about it the first time we met. Even then, when I didn’t know what would come next, I’d wanted to get it back to her.

Finding it wasn’t hard. I figured she would’ve used a pawn shop close to either her work or home. Out of the three, the second one had remembered the lady and knew the ring I meant. Two days ago, the day after I’d left her apartment, I’d gone and picked it up.

I tried to block out all the hushed faces that now stoodwatching us. The glow of the camera phones. The space between us that I desperately wanted to close.

Sarah put her hand on my shoulder. Her eyes were mesmeric, and I looked fearfully for the answer in them and saw it. And that’s right when I fumbled the ring…

Sarah

My heart was racing, and not just because of Hayden stood there pouring his heart out. The tequila was running thick in my blood now and blurring my emotions. The next thing I knew, Hayden was down on one knee and, when he looked up again, in his hands he was holding up a ring between his fingers. There was a gasp around the room. Mine included.

He looked shocked at the reaction around him and began protesting, “Oh, no! No, this isn’tthat…”

My eyes focused in on the ring in his hand, and then my surprise turned to recognition, “Wait, is that…”

He stared at me with those hazel puppy dog eyes as I reached out to it and soft tears rose in my eyes.My Grandma’s ring. It couldn’t be.I looked back at him in astonishment. Watching this huge man on his knees, vulnerable and offering himself, holding the one thing I couldn’t imagine.

“Do you really mean it, Hayden?”

His expression was so fragile, yet intense. His words seeming to come from deep within his heart.

“Even on that first terrible date, it was there. I tried to deny it, but I couldn’t shake it. Ever since then, I always felt like I had to find my way back to you. I want to find out more than anything, Sarah. If you can give me a chance, I promise I’ll give it everything I have. And that’s the truth.”

I gulped while he waited down on his knee for my answer. And it wasn’t just me. The whole bar seemed tosuck in the air and were now hushed and waiting anxiously for my response.

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