Page 38 of Hockey Heart

He looked at me so intensely as he climbed back up my body to meet my eyes.

“Sarah… I need you.”

“Uh-huh,” was all I could reply, wide-eyed and helpless as he reared up and I pulled at his belt and pants. I couldn’twait, I was in an agonizing state that needed fulfilling right there and then.

Tearing down his shorts, I stopped, panting below him. He was so big. I looked up at him half-fearfully. The look he gave me back told me I had no choice. That huge, beautiful, throbbing monster was going to have me.

Then his hot breath was on my neck and I was howling in bliss… I was his now, all his, and there was no escape from it.

23

PANTING

Sarah

We lay side-by-side panting, a beautiful warm glow washing over me. It would have been perfect, if it hadn’t been spliced with an agonizing feeling inside. A fantasy had walked out of my dreams and into my life. That in itself was a miracle that I would have been happy enough with, but now that it was over, it had to go back into my dreams again.

I looked over and Hayden smiled at me, his voice low and gentle as he spoke.

“I had to see you tonight.”

“I’m glad you did Hayden.” It was true, I was glad. But hell, I was also sad. Now that we’d stepped over that line and blurred fantasy with reality, it felt like an ending. It was done, and now we would return to where we belonged. Two worlds that shouldn’t meet each other had done exactly that, for just a moment.

“Sorry,” he sighed, rolling onto his back, “But I do have to go soon. I need to be there for Maiden when he wakes up.”

I reached out and stroked my fingertips across his shoulder, the skin warm and smooth, stretched tightly over his rigid collarbone.

“I know Hayden. This was nice. But I know. Now we can go back to where we’re supposed to be.”

“Maybe this is where we’re supposed to be?”

“We both know it’s not. You want to protect yourself, but you have to understand that I do, too. I can’t let myself be ruined again. It’s not fair to do that.”

Hayden sighed again and rolled back to face me, my side of the bed lifting me up under his weight as he did so, “Whatever he did to you, I’m not him.”

“Hayden, you know this isn’t real. You’re not real. You’re a fantasy to me. Perhaps I’m even the same for you.”

“I’m real,” he told me, putting my hand on his chest, right where his heart was beating. “Let me change your mind.”

I wavered, wanting to believe him, but how could I? He belonged with people who would fit right into his world. I would be the odd fish in a sea of beautiful mermaids, until it was so clear that I would be left again. Thrown back to my ocean of bottom feeders with only regrets.

“I think you should go, Hayden. Not in a bad way. I just think we should leave this as a beautiful moment, and that’s where it stays.”

24

CRACKING

Hayden

Goddamnit. She was right.Wasn’t she?But then why did it feel so wrong?

Four years of turning my head away from every girl who threw themselves in front of me and then, when I finally break my own rules, finally let go and throw myself at someone, they turn me away.

Maybe those bunnies and influencers and starry-eyed girls were all I deserved. Someone normal didn’t want to be a part of what I was. Why would they? I was just a fantasy. A face from a magazine or on the television, not an actual person. Certainly not the guy who took the trash out, went to bake sales, or wanted to hang out watching old movies all weekend.

But the thing is, that’s what I’d rather be doing most of the time. Except that I was good at one thing. Hockey. Okay, two things. Hockey and fighting. Maybe three, if you include karaoke.

It's not like I could walk in tomorrow, quit the team, thengo back to live like that.Or could I?No. I had Maiden to look out for. It was funny to think that Sarah had been looking out for him too. No one had asked her to. She wanted to. Because she was nice and kind and beautiful and—oh my God—I’m a fucking mess!

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