Page 34 of Hockey Heart

20

DENIAL

Hayden

My insides hurt like hell, and it wasn’t just the rosé. What was it with that woman? That quiet, sweet, pretty school teacher had somehow got under my armor—me!Hayden-fucking-Raynor!—and now it felt like I was falling apart.

“Hey, turn this up, would ya?” I told the Uber driver as Whitney came on the radio. I hummed along toSomebody Who Loves Meas the city lights faded behind us.You really gotta get it together Hayden…

Sarah

Alone again in my quiet apartment, all I felt was empty. My body had disappointment stretched across it. All that adrenaline and lust and desire that had sparkled between us. Wasn’t that what I’d wanted? The truth is, I didn’t know what I wanted anymore, but it wasn’t this. All I had was a flat and sad emotion ringing through me.

I was mixed up and confused. Hayden wasn’t a realperson. He was a fantasy. Just like Jake had been. Except, this time I could see what was coming.

I didn’t want to be left with the aching feeling of just being another notch on a hockey player’s bedpost, and at the same time, I didn’t want to fall and find myself hurt and alone. Not again. That would be worse than just being alone. At least I didn’t cry myself to sleep these days. Except, I could feel my eyes were wet already.

I didn’t know what to do, but did I really think some big-shot professional hockey player was going to give me what I really craved, what I desired? The safety, love, and companionship that I needed over everything else. Outside, the rain began to patter harder on the windows.

Hayden

It took a half hour to get back home, and I’d just collapsed on the sofa when the doorbell rang.

Ignore it, ignore it!Then, after a beat, there was a heavy pounding on the door.

“Fuck,” I breathed out, both annoyed at being disturbed and worried they’d wake Maiden.

With a scowl, I lifted my shadow off the sofa and went to see who in the hell was trying to get in. The intruder started banging again just as I flung the door open.

“Raynor! Oh, man, I’m so glad you’re here!”

I stared back at Solly, stood there in my doorway. Looking down, I saw the duffle bag in his hand and knew this wouldn’t be good.

“You gotta help me! Maria, she’s lost it! Kicked me out, and she’s on the warpath like you wouldn’t believe. Screaming about divorce, taking the house! Going to the papers!”

His face was a picture of stress as I anxiously rubbed my neck and tried to figure out how to not tangle myself up in this mess.

“Jeez, Solly. Please, not now. You’re a millionaire hockey player. Can’t you go get a room at the Four Seasons or something? Or make a run for some Caribbean island and lie low?”

“There were photographers outside our house, Hayden! They know something and she’s gonnadestroyme! I can’t be out there, they’ll eat me up. Please!”

It was the same on the ice. Solly was skilled as heck, but he liked to show off about it, and as soon as some big guy who was missing a few teeth took exception to it and came at him, he was always looking to me to come and save him.

“Look Solly, I got Maiden, and now Cara is staying here,” Solly pulled an awkward face when I mentioned Cara.

“I don’t know where else to go right now,” he said, his voice quiet and desperate.

“Fine!” I said. Not exactly enjoying the wayeveryonewas walking all over me and treating my place as the hangout hotel right now, “Put your stuff in the playroom down the hall.”

“Thanks so much, Hayden!” Solly said as he followed my outstretched arm down to Maiden’s playroom. The thought of a 200 lb, six-foot-tall hockey player curled up in a sports car bed designed for a 6-year-old gave me a brief moment of pleasure.

Solly came back into the room as I slumped on the couch. “Got any beer, Hayden?”

“Beers are in the fridge, Solly.”

“Okay, thanks man.”

Solly opened two cold bottles and handed me one before joining me. I really didn’t need this right now, but Iknew Maria could be on the edge of crazy at the best of times.

---