Page 21 of Hockey Heart

She was waiting for me outside the school and I felt a sinking feeling swimming in my guts. She probably couldn’t wait to tell me that my kid was a monster like his dad and for us both to get the hell out of there. At least she’d have a story for her school teacher friends to tell over and over to each other.

Her arms were crossed and her expression serious as I got up to the school gates.

“Hi, where is he?”

She tried to hide her disgust of me, but made a bad job of it.

“He’s inside and he’s okay. But, look, can we talk?”

“If this is about the other night…”

“It’s not,” she said bluntly.

It was then that I remembered her name.Sarah. That’s what she’d said when we’d met. I’d liked the way she’d said my name that night. It sounded nice.

We sat on the bench outside the front of the school and Sarah filled me in. How had I not noticed that all this time my own kid had, what? Learning difficulties? But, at the same time, I felt long-forgotten feelings of my own coming back, and then I knew why, and it made me even more mad at myself.

That feeling of confusion in school, when it felt like your brain was locked up and frozen and you couldn’t match up the thoughts. They didn’t have names or terms for it back then, unless you includeddumborknucklehead.

Sure, there had been frustration and embarrassments and fights and trouble, but that was all because of my old man, wasn’t it? Or was there more going on back there that I had been hiding between the beatings? It was all just a haze of mixed-up feelings and painful memories that I couldn’t fully unravel.

I guess I had hidden it well. Perhapstoowell. I was a hockey head. That was all that mattered. So, it was no big deal, I just wasn’t book-smart was all. When I started playing hockey, I didn’t look back on any of it. I had my release. A world where you didn’t have to do math tests or read in front of people. I was only graded on how well I played the game, nothing else. If someone had noticed, helped me… Well, maybe I’d have seen it in Maiden before it got to this.

“Hayden, I was wondering, where does Maiden’s name come from? Is it Germanic?” She asked.

“Germanic? Um. No. It’s from the rock band.”

She paused. “You mean…Iron Maiden?”

“Yeah.”

I noticed a small smile appear on her lips that she quickly disguised.

“Well, okay then. Let’s go get Maiden,” Sarah told me. Her features were so soft, I felt a pang in my chest when she looked at me. She made me feel different to anyone else I’d ever spent time with. Like she was really looking at you, really listening, not just thinking about what she wanted from you.

As we walked into the school, the other girl I’d nearly run over in the parking lot earlier that morning came over with Maiden.

“Hey there Champ,” I said uneasily, my heart breaking as I looked at his sad face.

Maiden stared down at his shoes, expecting trouble.

“Don’t worry, we’re gonna sort this out. Me and your teacher think we can make it better for everyone, okay?”

Maiden nodded.

“First, we gotta go make some things right and take some responsibility. Okay?”

Sarah

Maiden looked up at me through his wet eyes.

“Are you not going to be my teacher anymore?” He asked, looking stressed and upset and still gripping tightly onto Marvin.

“Oh, I think me and your dad can figure something out, but we’ll see, okay?”

It wasn’t a “no” at least, and he nodded somberly.

“Hey, why don’t you take Marvin with you? Look after him for me, then I’ll have to see you again to get him back, won’t I?”

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