Page 33 of Hockey Heart

I felt like I had to make it clear and she nodded her understanding. God, it felt good to talk about stuff with her. Not like with Dana, certainly not with my teammates, or even worse, Cara. Jimmy was great, but we’re guys. There’s a line there that you only step over when you’re about to break. And even then, you hate yourself a little bit afterward for being soft and vulnerable.

“How about you anyway?” I asked.

“Hah!” she threw back.

“Okay… So, is that a no, then?”

A sad expression came across her face and I just wantedto put my hand on her chin, lift her head, turn it toward me, and look into those eyes to see everything behind them.

“Maybe I’ve just been waiting for you, Hayden.”

She said it as a joke, but it came across differently. Something in her tone revealed more depth and meaning to it. We looked at each other, our eyes translating messages to our brains, a spark between us seeming to lock us together.

“Oh, wait! Here we go!” She exclaimed, spilling some of her wine in excitement.

I took a breath. There was no avoiding it. It was going to happen. We both took a last exhilarated and knowing look at each other, and then we came together in imperfect harmony…

“And IIIIIIIII ye-iiiiiiiiii will alwayyyyyyyssss lurve yoooooo”

We collapsed back as the credits rolled, tears in our eyes and then laughter on our lips as we saw each other’s reaction.

“Ugh, I love that movie.”

Sarah gathered up the takeaway boxes, and I picked up the empty glasses and carried them into the kitchen. Just being next to her as I placed them down on the counter made my blood fizz. Some strange energy, like a magnetic force of nature that drew me to her. I don’t know why I did it, I justwantedto. I put my hand softly on top of hers and our eyes darkened as we looked at each other.

Her lips were so perfect up close. I just wanted to taste them with my own, to feel her breath meet mine. Sarah looked up at me, wide-eyed and expectant, willing the moment onward.God, when was the last time I had felt like this? Soft and vulnerable.I took a chance and leaned in.

Sarah

My heart was pounding as he leaned in. My body desperate for him to kiss me and let my feelings fly. As his shadow covered me, I felt my insides flutter in anticipation. His hands gripped their way around me, holding me as a rush of wild excitement took me. Then, all of a sudden, the panic set in and I pulled my lips away from his.

He moved his head to try and meet me but I beat at his chest, his hands holding me so tightly I couldn’t move them.

“Get off me! Let me go!”

“I’m not letting go,” he said in an animal growl, “Until you kiss me.”

I stopped trying to fight him. It was exhausting and pointless with his frame that was built for strength, his huge hands holding me like clamps, making me feel tiny as I looked up at the rush of thick hair across his chin. His piercing eyes stared down at me, wild and crazy with something… And that something was me.

Hayden leaned in again until his face was so close that it began to blur as his lips went in search of mine. His scent as he descended on me made me tremble, a deep animal musk that made me heady with excitement. His thick hands held me steady, my skin delighting at the touch and my body thankful for his grip, because otherwise I might have fallen under my weak legs. All I could see, all I could feel, all I could breathe, washim.

Inside, I melted. This was the moment I’d waited for, maybe all my life, but… The things he did, who he was… He couldn’t be trusted. It was glaringly obvious that this would all end in heartbreak again, and I was sleepwalking right into it.

“Stop!” I commanded. Putting my hand with force against the steel of his chest. “No, Hayden, let me go.”

He paused with confusion, before his forceful grip relaxed on my arms. I knew there would be bruises where his hands had held me so firmly. Delicious bruises that I would look at later and hate myself for this moment.That was it, Sarah, that was your chance…

We stared at each other, our eyes having their own private conversation, pleading with each other…Do you mean it? You don’t want… This?

His gaze softened as he saw the decision had been made and was final, and the magic began to leave us. Hayden regained some of his composure before reluctantly releasing me. Then his eyes broke from mine and he sighed a long, slow, sad sigh that made me want to change my mind instantly, to soothe and heal him, to take him back to being wild and lost in the moment again.

Now it was just awkward. What words were there? There was nothing to be said that didn’t sound uncomfortable.

Finally, feeling stupid and angry at myself, I rubbed my arms and blurted out, “I think you should go.”

Hayden nodded without looking back up at me. Had I just broken this giant man’s heart? Maybe just a little.

He stepped back, his vast shadow leaving me as I slipped off to the side, taking a last look at him before I turned and walked away from my dreams, angry tears rising in my eyes as I opened the door for him to leave.

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