Page 63 of Hot Saltwater Kisses

Except for how I’d look in the mirror and see a coward.

I swallowed the splinters in my throat and grasped for some kind of way to open this conversation. “You know, I’m not really supposed to use theBlueberry Seasfor private stuff like this.”

Logan shot me a bright look from underneath his lashes, amusement etched into the corners of his mouth. “Define ‘this’?”

Oh, he thought he was cute, didn’t he?

I arched a brow at him. “Trying to charm a guy with my boating prowess and ability to procure beer.”

“Consider me thoroughly impressed.” He leaned back on his hands, gaze sweeping out across the water as a smile played around his lips. “And hey, promise I won’t tell. What if someone sees us, though?”

I’d thought about that. The thing was—hooking up with a guest wouldn’t get me fired. Wanting a future with Logan meant stepping out of the shadows.

“Let them.” I sounded braver than I felt, and maybe he noticed because he turned to face me, suddenly serious.

“Thought you were worried about Richard?”

“He’s looked the other way in the past, like with Nia. No reason to think he won’t do the same when it’s me.” I hesitated, but… this was a time for lions. “Honestly? I think I kind of used the whole ‘don’t get involved with a guest’ rule like a shield. Keep you at a distance, you know? Keep it light.”

Everything about Logan softened—the curve of his mouth and the line of his shoulders. His eyes found mine. “What’s changed?”

I have.

That sounded overly grand. I pulled one leg up to my chest and set my chin on it, not quite able to look at him. “I started to care.”

A moment passed in radiant silence. Then he drew an audible breath and reached across to lightly circle my wrist. “Me too. I care, Milo. I want…”

He trailed off, but it was enough for me. I flipped my hand over to mirror his hold, my thumb brushing over the small, knuckle-like bone that jutted out at his wrist. “Ask me why I left Miami.”

Logan’s expression shifted, surprise sketching a faint furrow between his brows before it cleared. His voice dipped, eyes on me. “Why did you leave Miami?”

“It was…” The words caught on the tip of my tongue. I averted my eyes, tracking the soaring flight of a frigatebird that rode the thermals with barely a flap of its wings. “I was a pretty awkward teenager, you know? Like, all gangly limbs and bad skin, and I’d only just admitted to myself I was gay. So when this cool, older surfer dude picked me out of a small crowd that watched him play the guitar, I felt like I was walking on air. Luckiest guy on the planet.”

Logan stayed quiet, waiting, his fingers light against my skin. I couldn’t quite look at him, but the contact was grounding.

“Michael. That was his name, and it took about five seconds before I thought I was in love with him.” I huffed out a bleak laugh, still squinting at the sky even though I’d lost the bird. “I was seventeen and he was twenty-five, so we had to sneak around at first. But it was glorious. Addictive. He told me I was his everything, made mefeellike I was his everything. Like I was made for him. Like he was my reason for existing.”

Logan made a soft noise. “Milo…”

“Yeah. Stupid, right? Hindsight’s kinda twenty-twenty.” I pressed my lips together, and his fingers tightened around my wrist.

“No, c’mon. You were just... being seventeen.”

“I’m not sure I’d have been smarter at twenty-two—not without getting burned first.”

“Sounds like he played on your need to be seen.” Logan’s tone was serious, imploring. “That’s so very human. So how is it your fault?”

I blinked against the pressure behind my eyes. It was only the second time I shared this story. The first time had been with Nia, and I’d barely managed to get the words out. With Katie, there’d been no need to explain since she’d been there for most of it and was the one who’d finally opened my eyes.‘Sweetie, you say he loves you. But how can that be true when he wants you to be an extension of himself?’

“He wasn’t mean,” I said, my gaze on a horizon that blurred into infinity. “Just, you know... In some ways, he was probably quite insecure. And that made him controlling. Like where I was, who I talked to, all that stuff.”

“But that’s still—” Logan fell abruptly silent. I glanced over to read the hesitation in the tilt of his mouth.

“Still what?” I asked.

Slowly, he shook his head. “To me, that sounds like abusive behavior. Definitely not what a healthy relationship should be.”

“Yeah, well. It wasn’t a healthy relationship.” I fought to keep my voice even. “That whole thing about how you’re nobody till somebody loves you? What a load of bull. It was the opposite. He erased me. Or... tried, more like. Like he was my sun, and nothing else mattered.” No, that wasn’t right. Words coming fast now, floodgates open. “Actually, no. He was blocking the sun. Cast his shadow on everything—made me ditch my interests, most of my friends...”

---