Page 43 of Gracefully Yours

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Today was officially the day.I couldn’t delay this any longer.

I looked over at my empty apartment, now devoid of all of my things. I’d sold some of my unnecessary furniture, the shitty stuff I’d gotten straight out of college: my bed, my kitchen table, and my living room set. I didn’t need it anymore.

I’d kept my pink chair, though, and I packed all of my sewing supplies in boxes. The bulk of it, the guys would come and get later, but right now, Daniel and I were loading up the rest of my belongings. I was trying to pick up several bags of my dresses, but couldn’t quite manage.

“I’ll get those,” he grunted, scooping them all up like they weighed nothing, even though I’d been struggling from all the weight.

“I can take one,” I protested, but he just ignored me, heading down the stairs towards his car.

By the time we finished shoving my dress collection in, the car was full to the brim. Matthew was bringing his truck over later, and that was when they’d also get all of my boxes of books. I’d tried to rent a U-Haul, but the guys had insisted that they could take care of it.

Which left the two of us driving over to his house in silence. We’d already parked my car at his house when we brought the first load over this morning.

Our house, he liked to remind me. It was nowours,even though I still felt like I was intruding on his space. Sure, it had been the best option, and yes, we were about to getmarried,but was it my home?

He’d bought it a few years ago, a self-dubbed starter home. Even after having it remodeled, he’d been dreaming of building his own house for years. Another feat I was sure he’d accomplish.

It occurred to me with a start that he would probably do that while we weremarried,and I froze. Would that beourhouse? Or would it still feel like I was just living in his?

“What?” He stopped to stare at me.

“What happens if this doesn’t work out?”

He frowned. “Living together?”

I shook my head, my mouth feeling dry. “That and, well… Being married.”

“Charlotte.” He dropped my bags onto the living room floor, coming over to stand in front of me. “We’ve been friends for nine years. I know you better than anyone else? What exactly are you worried about?”

I looked away, unable to meet his eyes when he looked at me likethat.

What was I worried about?Everything. That he’d meet someone else, and realize he made a mistake marrying me. That the love of his life was out there somewhere, and itwasn’tme. That I wanted this to work more badly than I could properly express. That the resolve I’d built up over the last few months was slowly chipping away, and if I wasn’t careful, I was going to end up with a broken heart.

“What if we have kids, and then decide this doesn’t work?” I couldn’t help the worry that was festering in my gut. His parents’ divorce had been hard on both him and Angelina, and no matter what happened, marriage pact or not, I didn’t want to subject any of our potential kids to that. No matter how much I wanted a baby, I didn’t want to risk them growing up unhappy. “Maybe this is a terrible idea. Oh god.” I moved my hand to rub my forehead, but Daniel took it instead, squeezing it tight, before dropping our hands in between us. He just kept holding on tight.

Daniel smoothed a hair behind my ear. “If this doesn’t work out, we’ll be okay. You won’t lose me, ever, alright?”

Part of me wasn’t sure if that was true, but I nodded. Maybe that was what I’d been the most worried about all along. I had my friends, but losing Daniel—that was something I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover from.

Not when he was the first person I texted every morning and the last person I thought about every night. When I saw something cute, he was the first person I wanted to tell about it. When I saw funny videos on the internet, he was the one I wanted to send them to.

Daniel was just my person, and I’d long since accepted that. He was my best friend.

Even when he pulled into the house, we both sat in the car in silence for a while. It was like neither one of us wanted to move, because we were about to change everything between us.

Daniel kissed my knuckles before letting go of my hand to get out of the car.

I focused my eyes on the numbers on his house, and I didn’t even notice that he’d come around to my side and opened up the door for me. Extending out a hand, he helped me out of the car.

“Come on, I’ll show you your room.”

I blinked. “My… room?”

He gave me a weird look and then nodded.

Was I…disappointedthat we weren’t sharing his bedroom? I wasn’t going to admit that to myself. It would be better this way, especially without sex to complicate things. I’d implied that much, hadn’t I? He was just listening to me. Especially after we’d almost ruined everything with sex before.

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