Page 20 of Gracefully Yours

I went on dates, and so did he. And over time, it got easier to ignore the sinking feeling in my gut when I saw him smile at another girl. If I pretended like I didn’t see it, it was easier to bear. And if I could just get over the nausea brought on by going out on dates, maybe something would come from it. But they were neverright.

How many first dates had I been on? Dozens over the years. And yet, there’d been very few second dates. Less than a handful who ever made it to a third. Three who I’d even let kiss me. And it wasn’tright.

But that night with Daniel, it had feltsoright.And when he made me see stars, the first man to touch me like that, when he slid inside of me, everything felt changed.

I wasn’t the same person that I was before.

But if I just kept searching for my Prince Charming, would I find him someday? Or had I been a fool all along?

Maybe I’d believed in the fairytale for too long. Maybe it was time to give up…

To find a new dream.

* * *

We pulledinto my apartment complex, and I sat, staring up at my apartment and then back at my best friend. “Want to just wait here? I’ll be quick.” Having him upstairs felt like an intimacy I couldn’t afford.

He shook his head. “Nah. It’s fine. I’ll come up with you. I can hang out on the couch while you change.”

“Okay,” I agreed, staring at him as he opened my door. I gave him a few hesitant glances as I headed to the sidewalk.

“What?”

“What do you mean,what?Why are you being weird?”

Daniel frowned. “I’m not. Can’t I just make sure that my best friend gets into her apartment safely?”

“Sure…”

“It’s your birthday, Charlotte. I’m not being weird. I’m just being nice.”

Was that what it was?

My lips pressed into a straight line as I headed up the stairs to my shabby apartment, knowing he was right behind me.

There was a reason when we hung out that it was normally at his place, or out doing things. I certainly didn’t invite anyone over to my tiny, one-bedroom apartment unless I had to.

Unlocking the front door, I tossed my keys on the kitchen countertop.

“Make yourself at home!”

I carried my dance bag into my room, hurrying into my closet to find something suitable to wear to dinner tonight with just the two of us. I’d stopped worrying a long time ago that I needed to dress up for him. He’d seen me in everything, from my sweatpants in college to running gear and everything in between. Sure, I enjoyed getting dolled up, but I did it formyself.

My eyes ran over the contents of my closet—color coded, the entire back row a layer of pastel dresses. Mostly pink, even though people liked to tease me for the love of the color. I’d made half of the dresses myself, a labor of time and love that made me smile every time I slipped one of my creations on.

Especially since I’d put pockets in almost all of them.

It was getting cold in Portland in late September, so I wore a pink dress with a tiered skirt and a white denim jacket. I slipped on a pair of heeled booties—I always felt like I needed the height when it was just him and I. All I needed now was to touch up my hair and makeup.

“Charlotte?” Daniel called out, and I heard rustling from the other room.

“Just a second!” I responded, swiping through my blonde locks with a hairbrush and pinning it back into a half-up, half-down style that would keep my hair out of my eyes. I ran another coat of mascara over my eyelashes, a thin layer of strawberry-flavored sparkly pink lip gloss over my lips, and then called it good.

It wasn’t like this was adate, so I didn’t bother to refresh the rest of my makeup that I’d put on this morning.

“I’m all ready—” I started, walking out of my bedroom, but stopped abruptly when I saw the look on Daniel’s face.

“Char?” He said, standing in my kitchen, looking at—Oh, shit. “Charlotte, what is this?” Daniel held up a piece of paper. A paper that I clearly hadn’t hidden well enough. I’d forgotten that I’d left it on the counter in the first place.

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