Page 59 of Gracefully Yours

“Your first?” He froze, like the puzzle pieces were connecting in his head. “You’d never…” He winced. “Fuck, baby. Did I hurt you?”

I shook my head; the concern coming off of him was almost palpable. “It wasn’t like I was waiting for marriage, or anything, I just… I’d never slept with anyone. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but…” An awkward, strained laugh slipped out from my lips. “I was twenty-six years old and a virgin, and it all justhappened,and then I was worried you might regret it...” And I’d wanted to get it over with. Though that wasn’t quite true either. I’d wanted it to be him.

“I’d never regret you, Char.”

“I know that now,” I whispered, because Idid. Because he’d asked, hadn’t he? I didn’t even really know his motivations for doing it—not like he knew mine, but he’d still been the one to propose the idea.

“Hey. It’s okay.” He squeezed my hip.

“I was scared. I avoided you because it terrified me. We’d never…” I cleared my throat. It had never been like that between us. I’d never thought he looked at me like hewantedme until that rehearsal dinner. But those brown, gold-flecked eyes had been full of desire,need. It had made me unsteady, and everything had changed. “It wasn’t like we had feelings for each other, but I just… I know this is all fake, that we’re not anormalcouple, but…” I buried my head in his neck.

“Charlotte.” He reached out, one hand resting under my jaw as he tilted my chin up to bring our gazes together. The other reached down to grab my hand, squeezing it. “Look at me, baby.” I always appreciated the way he would reassure me with his gentle squeezes. The way he held my hand had become like a lifeline, and I didn’t want him to stop touching me. “You’ve been my best friend since I was nineteen years old and I walked into your dorm and ran into you. The only person who knows me, inside and out. I don’t need any of that. I just need you in my life. By my side.”

“I know,” I murmured, exhaling a breath as he brushed a strand of hair back behind my ear. “But I’m not a one-night-stand kind of girl. That’s just… not me.” Something was stuck in my throat, and I wasn’t sure I had the words to continue. There was more, but it wasn’t the right time to admit it. I hadn’t been waiting because I’d wanted to stay pure for marriage, and there had been opportunities, sure. I’d had other friends suggest to me I should just find someone toget it over with. But that didn’t feel right. So, I’d waited.

Until Angelina’s wedding this summer. Until… Daniel.

“So why me?”

“I knew I was safe with you. And I… wanted to.” Lose my virginity, have sex. Experience what it felt like to be wanted byhim. “But it was stupid, Daniel, if it meant losing you, because I wouldn’t trade you, even for the best sex in the world. Or a million dollars.”

“What if the best sex in the world was with me?” He asked, not hiding the bit of humor in his voice. “We can try again and see… If you want.” Daniel brushed his lips against my ear.

I hit him in the chest playfully as I kept my eyes on the window. Better to not look at him. Because I was pretty sure I’d let myself have what I shouldn’t want all over again. Not after that kiss earlier today. I wanted it, too, but… Why did I keep screwing everything up? “Don’t say that. Your friendship is more important to me. Sex just… complicates things.”

“Even when we’re going to be married?”

My cheeks pinked, even as I stopped myself from saying anything else.

“Shit, Char. I knew… in college, when you asked me to be your first kiss, I figured then that you’d never…” He shook his head. “But to think, all these years… How come you never slept with any of those guys you dated? You never wanted to?”

“A guy I went out with once or twice, Daniel? I wouldn’t give my virginity to someone who didn’t care about me. Maybe that sounds dumb, but…” I sighed. I hated that I ever had dated any of those losers. None of them had ever meant anything. Maybe for a long time, I’d been trying to convince myself I didn't have feelings for my best friend, but… “It was never right.” I added on as a mumble.

Even if I’d liked them well enough, I’d never had that spark with any of them. And I’d tried.

So I’d survived on self-love, hoping I’d meet the right guy one day. Maybe I’d met the right guy the day I’d moved into college. I’d just been too blind to realize it.

I shook my head, focusing on the way his arms felt as I drew circles around his muscles, not quite wanting to look him in the eyes. “No. I think…” I took a deep breath, and his fingers brushed my chin. Daniel’s hand tilted my head up to look him in the eyes, and I was sure that my face was flushed. I cleared my throat. “I think some part of me always knew I was waiting for the right guy. Someone I trusted and was comfortable enough with.”

“And I was that guy?” He asked, his voice low as he studied my face.

“I feel safe with you. I always have.”

Daniel brushed a strand of my hair off my forehead. “Charlotte, I…”

“You don’t have to say anything,” I insisted. “I just wanted you to know.”

“Thank you for telling me,” he said, cupping my cheek. “For trusting me.”

I trusted him with so much of me, and if I wasn’t careful, I’d be giving him my heart, too.

CHAPTER14

Daniel

Thankfully, after our eventful night of drinking and confessions, Charlotte hadn’t been hungover in the morning. She’d practically jumped out of bed at the first glimmer of sunlight in the morning, ready for the day. After she’d slept close enough for me to touch—but not where I really wanted her, in my arms—I was painfully hard, trying to ignore the fact that I was pining over my best friend who clearly didn’t feel the same way.

She’d chosen me to take her virginity because she felt safe with me, not because she loved me. But did it even matter?

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