Page 137 of Gracefully Yours

After I hung up, I cried.

Because all I wanted was for him to sayI’m coming anyway,and he hadn’t. Of course he hadn’t.

For the same reason he wasn’t here in the first place.

Because I hadn’t asked.

* * *

My sister arrivedhome a day later, her arms wrapped tightly around a sleeping bundle that radiated warmth and love. Of course, I’d visited in the hospital after she’d been born, but those first days had made all the difference.

“Thank you for everything,” my sister said, wrapping me up in a hug after settling her newborn into a crib.

“Of course. You’re my sister.” I picked little baby Luna up in my arms. “And I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.” I nuzzled my face against her, inhaling the sweet newborn baby smell. I lived for it. And for once, there was no ounce of jealousy thrumming through my veins. Just genuine happiness for my sister and her little family.

And maybe it was the warmth settled in my gut that someday I would experience it too. That I knew I’d get that chance. Because I had Daniel. Because it wasn’t fake, and I loved him. Even if I’d run away before he could say it back.

She hesitated before speaking again. “Look, I… I know it wasn’t easy growing up with Mom. All those pageants and modeling gigs growing up… She tried, but it wasn’t enough, was it?”

“But… I thought you loved it?”

“Maybe I did. Maybe I loved the attention I got because of it. Either way, it wasn’t my dream. And neither one of us ever really got to be kids.” She kissed the top of Leila’s head. “Not like they will. And I know mom always compared you to me, but—”

“Stop.” I held up a hand. “It’s not your fault. None of it is.”

“But you moved away, and you got as far away from here as possible. In the past ten years, you’ve barely come home. And I know you love it up there, even if I think you’re crazy because it’s always raining, but I never got to tell you how I felt. How much I loved being your older sister and wished things were different. I did my best to reign Mom in at your wedding, because you saw how she was with mine.”

“All that to say, I’m really proud of you. And I love you so much.”

“Lav…” My eyes filled with tears. Maybe it was time I be honest with her, too. “I never wanted to compete with you over Mom’s attention. You were my big sister. I looked up to you, admired you. I know I haven’t been around much. But that’s not because I resented you or anything. It was just… hard.”

“Hard?” She raised an eyebrow as I cupped the back of her daughter’s head.

“I wanted this, too.” I looked around the house. “A husband, a home. A life. But I didn’t have any of that.”

“But…” She frowned. “I thought you loved living in Portland.”

“I did.” I sighed. “I do. It’s not that. It was that I was chasing this fairytale, thinking that if I just found the right person, everything would click into place for me like it did for you. But that isn’t how life works, is it?”

Lavender chuckled, taking Luna from me, rocking her in her arms. “No. It’s not.”

“Because love—genuine love—it takes work. But I’ve found that. The person who adores me. Who takes care of me, supports me. Has my back. And it’s nothing like the fairytale I’d dreamed of.”

“No?”

I shook my head, but a big smile spread over my face. “It’s better. It’s…Everything.”

“So, why are you still here? Go home and get your man, silly.”

I opened my mouth to tell her just that, but then a wave of nausea hit me.Not again.Feeling dizzy, I clutched the side of the table.

“Charlotte, you look really pale. Are you sure you’re okay?” Lavender asked me, the worry clear on her face.

I shook my head. No, I wasn’t okay. It was getting harder to ignore the truth. I’d thrown up almost every day since I’d been here, and all I wanted was my husband.I could hardly keep up lying to myself.

“Why don’t you call your husband?” She rubbed my back as I tried to push my sweaty hair off my face.

I’d almost done it every night, asking him to come get me. But I was trying to prove something to myself, wasn’t I? Except I didn’t know what that was.

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