Page 69 of Captivated

Now, we’ll never know, I suppose.

I finally started to let myself see Nico as more. I wanted him to be more.

He’s made it clear what he thinks of me, and I doubt he’ll ever see me as someone he’ll fall in love with now.

Love.

I don’t even know what love is.

I thought, just for a moment, I might have been falling in love with Nico. Now I know I was probably just in lust with him and blinded by the sex.

At least, I hope it was just the sex.

It couldn’t possibly be the way my heart fluttered every time I was around him. Or the way he was gentle with me when I needed it. Or the way he cared enough about my safety to look into my life when I still had my guard up and wouldn’t tell him anything. Or the way I missed him when he wasn’t around and loved when he popped up, telling me he needed to see me. And it couldn’t possibly be how when he knew he crossed the line, he put all his cards on the table and gave me his entire life to break apart and read.

It couldn’t possibly be that I was falling in love with him, the man, at the same time I was desperately falling in love with the way he touched me.

No.

Nope.

It can’t be.

Because if that were true, then I’d be screwed.

I can’t love someone who doesn’t respect me. Although, if I stop and think longer on it, he might respect me too much? That’s why he doesn’t want me dancing. He said all I had to do was ask him for help and he would have helped.

Did I fuck it all up?

Did I let my stupid pride ruin my chance at something that could’ve been great?

Great, now I’m passed anger and moving on to regret.

Once again, I don’t have time for regrets. Sean needs me, and he’s in the hands of the men who already fucked him up once unless I can come up with twenty grand.

I know what I have to do for it.

My path back to Nico will be much harder if I do, but I can’t think about that right now. I can only focus on one problem at a time.

My brother’s life comes before what I want, how I feel, and my future with Nico.

It has to.

~ Chapter 26 ~

Cassie

I packed my sexiest lingerie I bought on a whim last year when there was a sale to wear on stage tonight. I never wore super sexy outfits to my pole classes, and I haven’t had time to go shopping or order anything online, but I know this is going to work just as well with how it’s constructed.

I tie the lace cat mask around my head and apply a deep red lipstick to finish off the look.

My eyes stare back at me in the mirror without any emotion despite feeling everything at once. Right now, though, I think defeated is winning out over the rest battling for time in the spotlight.

I had something great for a moment and I ruined it.

I knew I was going to ruin it, too, but I’m just doing what I’ve done since I was twelve. I’m taking care of my little brother and being the mother figure he was denied.

I take a deep breath and walk confidently to the stage entrance to wait for the emcee to announce my name. A very different practice than at Dark Horse. Pandemonium feels like a movie scene of a stereotypical strip club, whereas Dark Horse felt like a private, dark, sophisticated club you’d only know about through word of mouth.

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