Page 83 of The Puck Decoy

“Look man, I’m sorry but she doesn’t want to see you. You know what you did and she needs time, so you’re not coming in here right now.”

He doesn’t even wait for my response, just slams the door in my face, and then locks it for good measure, like he thought I wouldn’t listen to him. I wasn’t going to, but fuck him for knowing that. So all I can do now is plonk myself down on the porch and wait.

I watch as Hector switches shifts with Maddie’s other guard, Julian, both of them eyeing me warily, and I remind myself to speak to Lincoln about hopefully keeping them on, or finding them similar work elsewhere when everything with my father goes down. Then I watch as people stumble home from parties, or head out for a run, and all the while, the only thing on my mind is Hallie.

Two hours pass with me just sitting there, before the door opens behind me and I snap my head around in hope, yet the only thing I find is my sister’s sorrow-filled eyes. “Hey, I brought you some coffee, you look like you could use some,” she smiles softly, taking a seat beside me, and I take it in silent thanks.

“Is she okay?” I ask desperately, and the pity in my sister’s eyes is sickening.

“No of course she isn’t,” she says sternly, before she throws the question back at me. “Are you okay?”

A humorless laugh slips out of me as I toss back, “No, of course I’m not.” I take a deep slug of the coffee, yet it does nothing to erase the pain in my head or my heart. “What do I do, Mads, how do I fix this?”

She eyes me with concern before she asks, “Your friendship? Or your marriage?” I don’t respond, because honestly, I’m not sure how, yet it doesn’t stop her from pushing me for more. “How could you do this, Josh, to Hallie of all people? She loves you so much that she would do anything for you, you know that. I mean, she’s so in love with you that she agreed to your stupid plan to marry you.”

My gaze snaps to hers as she finishes speaking, but I am already shaking my head. “Hallie isn’t in love with me,” I’m quick to reply, the words tasting sour on my tongue, and Madeline scoffs.

“Hallie has been in love with you since she was nine years old, and you’ve been in love with her too,” she tells me slowly, like she is talking to a child.

“I’m not in love with her,” I deny far too quickly, not admitting that I’m incapable of loving anyone, and she shakes her head with a laugh.

“Josh, from the moment you met her it’s like the two of you were magnets. I was her best friend, but you were her whole world. Are you going to tell me it wasn’t the same for you?” she pushes, only making the pain in my chest worse. “Think about it, you never let anyone say one bad word about her, you protected her, fought for her, defended her, you even made a campus-wide no dating rule for her—”

I cut her off, “Yeah, because I care about her, because she’s my—”

“She’s your what?” she asks, cutting me off in return, and all I can do is stare at her blankly.

When I don’t respond, my sister takes the now empty mug from my hand, and smiles at me sadly. “Maybe you should figure out what you want before you lose her forever.”

She doesn’t wait around for me to say anything else, just taps my arm in comfort before rising to her feet and heading back inside. The lock sliding into place like a fucking deadbolt across my heart.

I think about everything she just said, about Hallie being in love with me, about me being in love with her, and the question she just asked me, only coming up with one answer.

She’s my everything.

The realization hits me like a freight train. I love her. I’m in love with her. That’s what this pain in my chest is, it’s not from hurting my friend, it’s from my heart cracking open in my chest at the thought of losing my wife.Fuck. I am so madly in love with her that I never even saw it coming.

How the fuck am I going to fix this?

The question plagues me for hours as I sit there on the porch, my heart inside of the house behind me, and when I spy Daemon coming out of our house with Levi and Landon hot on his heels, I prepare myself for their onslaught.

“Hey man, I brought you some lunch,” Daemon says quietly, offering me a lunchbox and a drink, and I thank him with a smile.

“You look like shit,” Landon smirks, and I can’t help but laugh, as I take the cap off the water and take a drink.

“I feel like it too, brother,” I tell him truthfully, and all three of them look at me in wonder.

“What are you even doing here?” Levi snaps coldly, and my eyes flick to his in confusion, and Dameon watches him warily as he adds, “Give up on the fucking ruse, man, it’s getting old.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I snap, at the same time Landon asks, “What ruse?”

The door opens behind me and I snap around to find Gray and Reign, coming out to see what all the arguing is. When I realize Hallie isn’t with them, I ignore Landon’s question in favor of my old friend, who looks at me with nothing but pure contempt. “Come on, Josh, you can’t exactly be surprised, she wasn’t going to settle for your fake bullshit forever.”

It’s only now I see it, too blinded by his friendship to ever notice it before. He likes her. “I’d be very careful about what comes out of your fucking mouth next, Jones,” I warn, because one wrong word about Hallie and I won’t give a fuck about how long we have been friends.

Levi scoffs, “Please, we both knew it was only a matter of time before you fucked everything up, like father like son.”

Landon’s eyes widen in shock, but it’s Daemon who steps up to Levi and warns him with a voice like death, “You need to walk away. Now.”

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