Page 14 of The Puck Secret

Heat instantly spreads through my body at the threat, and I don’t think I can remember a time I have ever felt so wanted, and it’s not like I haven’t been with guys before. I had a couple of boyfriends in high school, dated a little when I first got here, but all of them used me in the same way my dad does. As a pawn to be wielded for their own personal gain, no one has ever just appreciated me for me.

It was always a ploy to get close to me so they could get in with my dad or with Josh, they never just wanted me. I thought I had dealt with it, the feeling of rejection and loneliness, and as that feeling of not being good enough starts to crawl up my throat, I struggle to remember my coping techniques. I try the deep breathing, and the mantras I recite in my head, but it doesn’t work, but then my eyes flick back down to the message in my hand and I read it again and again.

Every door in this damn town until I find you.

Every door in this damn town until I find you.

Every door in this damn town until I find you.

I read them until my eyes blur and I can no longer see them, and when I take a deep breath I notice my heart rate has returned to normal and I can actually breathe easily again. It worked, it actually worked. I’d laugh if I didn’t feel so much like I wanted to cry. That overwhelming feeling of sadness needs to stop, I can’t handle it. So I push it aside and exit the text thread to look for Hallie’s name.

When I press on her name to call her, it rings for two-seconds and then is cut off. What the hell? I do it again, and the same thing happens. Anxiety curls in my gut as I rush downstairs to head outside, but as I reach the bottom of the steps I hear muffled laughter. The front door slides open and I spy Hallie with Archer Gray, laughing at some story he is telling, and I can do nothing but stand there and stare at them.

“Then what did you do?” Hallie asks excitedly.

Archer shrugs. “I did what anyone would do, I busted down the door and threw the bucket of fish guts on him.”

Hallie cackles instantly, holding her stomach as if she can barely breathe as she responds, “Oh my god, no you didn’t,” she gasps in between laughs.

“Of course I did, that fucker started it and he messed with my hair, Sanders,” he exclaims dramatically using her last name, and I’m not sure what I am witnessing here, but Hallie never really talks to guys, or anyone for that matter.

Archer finally notices me and offers me a mock salute. “Special delivery for, baby Peters.” He’s drunk, that much is obvious, but still I appreciate him for walking Hallie home.

I don’t know him that well, he’s closer to Nova than he is my brother, so of the few hockey players I have gotten to know from the Flyers, he isn’t really one of them. “Thanks, Gray,” I reply with a smile and nod, turning my attention to my best friend. “You all good, Hals?”

“I’m great,” she smiles, and I can tell by her expression she means it, and I find my gaze straying back over to the hockey player still shadowing our doorstep, as Hallie also turns back to him. “Thanks for walking me home, Arch, you’re a gem.”

My eyes bug out of my head, but he doesn’t seem to notice as he focuses on my best friend. “Anytime, Sanders, and don’t forget about the game next week.” He winks before nodding at me and adding, “Goodnight ladies.”

Hallie watches him leave, before she shuts the door and slumps her back against it. “Well, that was an interesting night, Sad Brad and Notorious Nova, ey?” She wiggles her brows at me and I storm towards her.

“Oh hell no, we are totally starting with you,” I demand, grabbing her by the hand and leading her into the kitchen. “Debrief now!”

I reach into the freezer and pull out a tub of ice cream while she grabs two spoons, and then we sit side by side on the breakfast bar and dig in. We each eat a few spoonfuls before she opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off, “Not a chance,” I scold. “You are totally going first.”

She laughs with a sigh, “There is nothing to tell, Wendy, Archer came up to me, explained the situation and walked me home, that’s all.”

Reaching for another scoop of ice cream, I snatch the tub away. “That’s all my ass, you two were acting like the best of friends out there.”

She shrugs. “He’s in my econ class. He might seem all dark and moody, but that’s just a front, he’s really a nice guy.” Her words seem genuine enough, but still I can’t help but poke at the obvious.

“And super hot,” I say with a smirk, but all she does is roll her eyes as if she has barely noticed, which is bullshit. Every girl on this damn campus has noticed.

I almost fell off my chair the first time I went to one of Josh’s practices to see him in action. I swore it must have been a rule that they all had to be over 6ft tall and sexy to earn a spot on the team. I had to hold my drool in for the entire game, and I barely paid any attention to my brother. Hell, even the Darkmore devil himself didn’t go unnoticed. He’s just as attractive as the rest of them, if not more, it’s just his asshole personality that lets him down.

Hallie interrupts my thoughts before I dig deeper into that last one “Trust me when I tell you I am not his type,” she smiles a secret smile to herself, but I don’t push her on it, my mind is clouding enough with my own secrets.

Now I’m not naive, I know everyone has secrets of their own, scars they don’t want to show to anybody, but that’s the problem. The only way to truly know someone is to discover their scars, yet nobody ever wants to rip off the bandages and let the other person see them bleed. So you either end up alone and miserable, or worse, not alone and with someone who is incapable of healing you.

I think back to the message on my phone and I can’t help but feel the need to taunt the mystery man who seems to understand me more than any man I have ever met. My real world might be going to shit, but that doesn’t mean I can’t indulge in a little fantasy, and my lonely charmer is the perfect candidate.

The next couple of weeks follow a very similar routine. I go to class, play hockey, spend time with my mom, and go to parties, oh and text Grim. I can never forget about that. We have somehow gone from texting a few times a week to a few times a day, which given I still don’t know her real name or who she could possibly be, is kind of fucked up. Archer thinks I’m crazy, but Reign said he would also keep texting someone with tits as good as hers. I guess they are both right.

Today is Sunday and as usual, I am over at my mom’s place having breakfast. She is currently at the stove making bacon and pancakes after she refused my help for the tenth time this morning. Her latest appointment confirmed our fears, the cancer is spreading. The doctors say they can operate, and with that and chemo it should be fine, but still I felt the word like he punched me in the gut. My mom is all I have, I don’t know what I would do if I lost her.

Forcing that thought from my mind, I focus back on my phone, and the latest message Grim has sent me in response to the first one I sent her this morning. It was a shirtless picture of me running down by the lake near her house. Granted it was 6am when I sent it, so of course she was sleeping, but who doesn’t want to wake up to that?

Grim: Morning coffee and I spy no sexy shirtless guys. Sigh! What a shame!

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