Page 114 of Honey Pot

And I didn’t know what my future looked like.

“Ouch,” I mumble.

“You asked the question,” she reminded me. I didn’t want to have this conversation with her or about him. But…I had to make sure that I was doing the right thing by letting her go.

“Do you love him?” I asked next.

Selfishly and foolishly, I wanted her to say no.Please say no.

I let my hand wander over her heart and could feel how fast it was racing beneath my touch, and it threatened to drag tears from me.

Please.

“I did.” She let out a breath, and it knocked me back like a force of wind. “I do…”

“Did you kiss him this weekend?” A question I could tell she wasn’t expecting, because her body tensed beneath mine, but I had to know.

“No.”

“That feels like a secret,” I said quietly.

“It’s not, I didn’t even want him here this weekend but…” she didn’t hesitate to respond as her words trailed off. “I haven’t kissed him since I gave the ring back.”

“You gave it back?” I must have sounded confused because she laughed.

“Yes, I’m just as confused about Julien as I am about you,” she confessed.

“Do you love me?” I asked her.

“I’ve never loved someone the way I love you,” she whispered, so quietly I barely heard the words.

“You’re still going to leave me, aren’t you?” I asked, even though it broke my heart.

“I think I have to,” she answered. “You were very valiant and protective today,” she said, and I could tell she was trying to avoid hurting my feelings.

“But?” I asked.

“But, that doesn’t change the fact that I have real adult problems waiting for me outside of Rhode Island. I can’t stay here and play make-believe with you.”

Ow.

“If I could figure out a way to give you the world I would, Clem, but I don’t have that to offer. I just have me.” I sounded so defeated, but she had knocked out the will to fight.

“I don’t want the world, Cael. I never have.” She wriggled deeper against me. “We just never had enough time.”

“We have time now,” I grumbled, upset that she was so flippant about it all.

“Not enough, it’s never enough,” she whispered with a shaky voice.

“It can be. Why are you fighting this so hard!” I didn’t mean to, but my voice raised, and my fingers dug into her side. Not hard enough to hurt her but hard enough for her to feelmyhurt. “You’re giving up on us.”

“You gave up first,” she said and stopped rubbing circles against the top of my hand. “I don’t belong here, Cael. This is your home. I’m a ghost story.”

“I hate that they call you that.” I shook my head. “You were never a ghost to me.”

“Maybe I should have been. That would have made all of this so much easier. If I hadn’t come here, you would have been happy and forgotten about me, but you’ve always loved too hard, Cael.” Her breath stuttered. “It’s crushing me.”

“I’m sorry.” I couldn’t figure out how to make it better for her.

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