Page 66 of Honey Pot

No,I wanted Clementine.

“Maybe later, Peach.” I tapped my chest.

“Not so fast.” Ella’s head fell to the side as she looked over at me. The mistake was in calling her Peach. It was too serious. She knew something was up.

“Not drunk, not high, just…”

“Abnormally flustered.” Her bright smile pulled me from the dizzy thoughts swirling around in my head. “Cael,” she cooed, reading me like a book she had written herself. “Do you think storming up on her is going to win her over?”

I stopped then, looking at Ella, and ran my hand over my face and then through my hair just trying to dissipate the feeling of anxiety under my skin.

“You boys are so dense.” Ella shook her head as a breathing laugh fell from her. “Do you remember how scared I was when the Nest found outwhoI was and what I had done?”

I stared at her. Usually, I could place her thoughts and follow where she was going with a conversation, but I couldn’t, not this time. My heart was still racing, chasing after Clementine on its own as time stood still.

”Yeah, of course.” I scratched the back of my neck, watching her and waiting for her to tell me the point of her rehashing at an urgent time like this.

“Alright well…”

“Please for the love of God, get to the point, Peachy.” I begged her.

“On a scale of one to ten, how big are your feelings right now?” She asked me, setting down the cup and wandering toward me. Her hands combed through my messy hair tenderly, a sister looking after her stupid little brother with cautious care in a way only Ella could.

“Eleven, twelve, maybe?” I mumbled and raised my eyebrows at her.

“I know how intense you can be about—everything,” she paused, “but for Clementine’s sake, take a moment to think about how she feels. Or Cael…” Ella fiddled with her necklace, and I knew she wanted to say something that would upset me. “Are you sure you aren’t just substituting one drug for another?”

“That hurt.” I scowled at her and looked away because it hit hard.

I understood where she came from, the suspicion of trading in and trading out one substance for another. Loving Clementine felt like drugs. It burned bright and made me feel like I was looking at the world through a kaleidoscope.

“The truth usually does.” She pressed her lips into a thin line. “I’m not saying your feelings for her aren’t real. I wouldn’t. I just want you to consider hers before you blow up her life with a grand confession that you can’t take back.”

I raked my hands through my hair as my shoulders rolled forward and my gaze dropped to the floor. She wasn’t wrong. As much as I wanted to burn in the heat of Clementine’s love, it wasn’t fair of me to blow up her life like that. I had done that once already, even though it hadn’t been my fault, not entirely, but laying all of my feelings at her feet when the ground below us was shaky… It was selfish.

“Why do you always have to be so reasonable?”

“What are big sisters for?” Ella winked at me and straightened the hem of my t-shirt. “Start slow. Keep showing her how you feel at a pace that doesn’t feel like you're driving down the freeway.”

“I’m not even sure I have a slower speed.” I shrugged, a tiny laugh falling from my lips.

“Figure it out.” Ella slapped her hand against my face gently. “Don’t screw this up.”

“You sound like Arlo,” I groaned lightly and inhaled once before slapping my hands over her shoulders.

“I was just trying to give you the full mom-and-dad treatment. How did I do? Mean enough?” She smiled up at me, and I rolled my eyes.

“Not nearly enough swear words,” I laughed, “but close enough. If not full speed, what then?”

“Take her on a fucking date, Cael.” Ella laughed like it was the most obvious option.

“Perfect…right…” I nodded.

“And stop playing ‘poker for keeps’. That game is horrible.” She shook her head and went back to her coffee. “Take her somewhere that’ll mean something to the both of you, Cael.” She looked at me over her shoulder, her glare icy as she said, “also, take a damn shower. You smell likeDean.”

I leaned my nose into my shoulder and caught a good whiff of suntan lotion, which made my lips curl into a smile before I nodded. I needed a better plan than just ‘go’; it needed to be bulletproof so she couldn’t possibly say no to me.

First, I needed to collect my thoughts. Dean and Ella had pulled every option tight from either side like a vicious tug-of-war. I needed the advice of someone who would tell me the truth even if I didn’t want to hear it.

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