Page 65 of Honey Pot

She had kissed Dean because it meant nothing to her, because the kiss between them was nothing more than lustful attention. He shook his head.

“Because she’s leaving,” I said. My throat grew tight and the noose tightened with every thought I had about losing her again. “She’s not staying at Harbor once this piece is done, and our past doesn’t matter to her. She made that clear.”

“What does a kiss have to do with that? She spent the half night screaming your name…” Dean looked at me, so pretty and so confused.

“That wassex.” I explained. “It was fun. A kiss, a real kiss is—” I dug deep for the right word. “Intimate,” I said. “It's a promise.”

“A promise to stay.”

“A promise to love each other.” I nodded. “It’s scary…”

“But you love her, right?” Dean asked, a shard of hurt flickered across his face.

I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t decide if I was upset or happy. The look on her face when I called her beautiful felt more like shards of glass embedding themselves in my heart and less like I had expected.

Clem had reacted like I’d slapped her.

But somewhere between losing her and finding her was this woman that I hadn’t expected. She was everything that I wanted and I lost control of myself in the moment thinking I could have her. She read me like a book.

“Of course I do. I never stopped.” I looked at the bed between us, trying to collect my thoughts, when Dean shoved me hard. I tumbled backward, smacking my head on the hardwood and scrambling to my feet.

“What the fuck?” I chucked a nearby shoe at him, but he caught it with a grin.

“Go get the girl.” He made it seem so obvious, and his words chipped away at the reasoning I had not to. “Cael! You idiot,” he barked, making me jump. “Ifyou love her the way I know you do, you’re making a fool of yourself standing here.”

“I can’t just go.”

“Holy shit, man.” Dean lifted to his knees, the sheets falling down around his thighs, and my mind wandered for a second. How easy it would be to sink back into bed with him, to forget everything and just be here.

“What do you need? A blessing?I love you.” He said it so profoundly I felt it in my soul.“I always have, but we’ve talked. I know that this doesn’t end how I want it to. It was never the end game, and I still have a lot to learn about myself. I can’t love you the way you need me to and I can’t ask you to love me in the dark. You shine too bright to be stuck in a closet with me.” There was pain lacing every word he spoke.

“Dean…" I shrunk in size as my heart broke.

"I'm okay," he said, "I'll be okay."

I shake my head. “I’m sorry,” I choked out.

“So what is it that you need,” He snapped, it broke into frustration.

“What if—”

“Not once in your life have you ever thought to pause and think something through. I’ve watched you jump off the bridge in town into the river in the middle of February on an impulsive thought. You’ve crashed more cars than anyone I know, you never back down from a fight and you literally run on nuclear waste as an energy source. Stop thinking about everything that can go wrong, and justgo!” He exclaimed, a storm brewing behind his eyes as his lips pressed into a thin line.

I moved toward him, cupping his face in my hands and dragging a long kiss from his lips, lingering on our past and promising him quietly that no matter what, I’d always love him. He tapped two soft fingers to my chest as our foreheads came together.

“Go,” he whispered, so softly that I could have imagined it. I turned to find shoes, but his fingers caught my wrist. “Get dressed first.” He looked over my naked body, laughing wildly as he rolled his eyes and fell back on the bed.

I wanted to pause to ask him if he was really okay with this, but I had a feeling that if I did, I’d never leave the room. The nerve he had instilled in me wasalready starting to fade, and I hadn’t even pulled on a clean shirt. My shoulder groaned as I slipped into my sleeve and over my head, but the pain was just a dull throbbing reminder of the mistakes I had made.

Taking the stairs two at a time, I slid down the hallway, praying that she was in her room, but found it empty. “Fuck.” I slammed her door shut and moved through the house, checking all the spaces she was normally in.

Ella was sitting on the counter, her hair in a messy bun and eyes glazed over with a wicked hangover when I busted into the kitchen.

“Hey, tornado.” She laughed when I nearly knocked over a pile of crap on the island.

“Have you seen Clem?” I stopped, catching myself before running into the door.

“I think she was going down to the stadium to interview a few of the staff and your Dad.” Ella brought her coffee cup to her lips. “Do you want some coffee?”

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