Page 54 of Honey Pot

“You shook on it, Clem. There’s no going back now.” I smiled at her.

Today had been long, all I wanted to do was curl into bed and pray until my skin stopped itching and my head stopped pounding. But when she sauntered into the living room, all sass and tight pants, I couldn’t deny that perfect pout a goddamn thing.

I missed Mama something fierce and I felt horrible but it made it hard to be around Clementine. She made me so happy, but then the guilt seeped in on these days when memories were darker than they should be and I’d rather be alone. Not because I was mad at her, but because it made it hard to control the urges, nearly impossible.

Even now I had my hands in my pockets, picking at the seams and pulling the threads loose to keep my mind busy. Clementine looked horrified but Karaoke had turned into a pastime that we all enjoyed. Maybe a little too much. It hadbeen a lot more fun when Arlo would sneak in a flask of vodka, only to share it with us behind Silas’ back.

“Alright.” Van pulled a mug out. It was yellowed and the Hornets logo looked like it might be from the early years of the team, peeling and cracking on the side as he held it out to the group. “Everyone draws.”

Inside was a series of popsicle sticks, some clearly had been chewed on, and I laughed as Clementine took notice with disgust on her face. She took it out and held it up.

“Three?” She said, angling it in the air so I could see it.

“The number on your stick is the order we go in,” Mitchell explained, as the rest of the group drew sticks. Dean yipped with excitement as he drew one and the entire field lit up with groans.

“Get ready to drink,” Ella laughed, as we all settled into the blankets.

“Will he really?” Clementine asked, her thigh brushing against mine as she sat between Ella and I.

“It’s a rare occasion when Deandoesn’tsing it.” I pushed my hair back off my face and leaned back on my elbows to stare up at the big screen as it lit up brightly across the dark field. It took them a moment to get the song up but, as predicted,Party in the USAblasted over the field.

The sound scared Clementine, her whole body flinching next to mine, but I didn’t mind because she leaned into my shoulder and tilted her head up in the cutest way possible. The lights from the screen twinkled in her eyes and mimicked the stars.

Her giggle echoed in the form of fireworks down my spine as Dean started to sing terribly out of tune only to be distracted by Van tapping my shoulder and handing me a cup of apple juice with a wink.

It was such a simple gesture but it created a wave of gratitude I wasn’t prepared for. The expectation going into recovery was that none of them would want to be my friend if I wasn’t that goofy guy they loved so much. The party animal with a lack of regard for his own safety and always dialed up to one hundred.

There had been a real fear when I returned from rehab that I wouldn’t belong in the Nest anymore. It was ridiculous but, at the time, so sober and in so much pain, it was tangible to my twisted, fractured mind.

But I had been so far from right. They had hung stupid banners with their second grade printing skills and cleaned out all the fridges in the Nest of alcohol. Instead of disowning me or shunning me because of it, they embraced the sobriety and made it their lifestyle too.

Of course they all still drank outside of the Nest, birthdays and parties at Delta. I could handle myself and, when I couldn’t, I searched out Ella or my sponsor and we handled it together. But recovery had looked a lot different than expected and I couldn’t have been more grateful.

“Hey, Daydream,” Clementine whispered to me and I shook from my thoughts to look over at her. “You alright?” She asked and I nodded because, for the first time today, I actually felt like I was.

I had spaced out through most of Dean’s horrible rendition and came back to reality half way through Jensen belting out some Queen song that only he and Van knew word for word.

“You’re next,” I said to her with a tiny smirk.

“Switch me,” she begged.

“Sorry that’s against the rules,” I laughed and looked at the scribbled five on my stick.

“You said there were only three rules and that wasn’t one of them.” Clementine poked me with her stick. “Trade me spots.”

“What are you going to do for it?” I smiled up at her, offering her the chance. “Before you answer, I’ll sing everyone's turn here for just one kiss.”

“Shut up and let me think,” she groaned.

Her eyes trailed over my body and it lit me up like a raging fire, heat licked every inch of my skin under that chocolate gaze. I could see her trying to come up with something that might be worthy of such a trade, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip and calling attention to how full it was.

She leaned down, her lips brushing against my ears.

“You can tie me up,” she whispered, heat raging as her breath fanned over my skin. “Once, whenever you call it in.”

My eyes flickered to meet hers as she pulled away and stared down at me through heavy lashes. Her nose scrunched up when I didn’t answer but I loved to watch her squirm. For all her gained confidence she was still so easily rattled; it had taken everything in her to offer that. And now it was taking everything in me not to pick her up, carry her to the closest room with a lock, and make good on it.

“Fine,” I said tightly, shifting to adjust myself. “But you can’t say no when I come to collect.” I pushed from the ground and walked over to Jensen.

---