Page 125 of Honey Pot

“So why bring Julien here?” I snapped. “That was juvenile.”

“One last ditch effort to push you back where you belong.” Ryan licked his bottom lip. “Mary sends me all your articles, I read every one. You’re fucking good at it, kid. You have a gift, and you shouldn’t blow that up.”

“Who says I’m blowing it up?” I laughed, the letters weighing down my arm and reminded me that I had zero clue as to what had happened to Cael over the last seven years.

“Me,” Ryan said. “You can love him. You can need him and want him, Clementine. But he’s twisted, he’s figuring himself out again…”

“You don’t want me screwing up that recovery on ifs and maybes.”

“No,” he stopped me. “I don’t want him blaming himself when he trips or has moments. I don’t want you risking your future for that.”

“How do you know he will?” I asked him. I understood the concern. What I didn’t understand was the lack of faith and loyalty.

“Because I know he will. It’s inevitable, but not unexpected. Riona said that he’s bound to slip up, but the best thing that I can do for him is be there, and I’ve been taking the blame for years. I can handle it. What I don’t want is for him to blame you.”

“He won’t.” I smiled at Ryan. “He wouldn’t.” My thoughts wander to Cael, that perfect smile of his so loud in my memory. “He’s never had it in him to blame me for anything. I could smash my car into the front of the Nest, and he’d find a way to make it his fault.” I sighed.

“It’s not that simple, Clementine.” Ryan shook his head.

“It really is, Ryan,” I said without hesitation. “I understand what you’re saying. I hate it and don’t accept it, but if you think what’s best for Cael is leaving, then that’s what I’ll do. Because all I’ve ever wanted is for him to be happy.”

He watched me carefully as I turned to my laptop bag, pulled out a handful of paper held together by a clip, and held it up.

“Will you do something for me, though?”

“I owe you that much,” Ryan stood from the chair.

“This is the rough copy of the article. Will you give it to him so he understands why I left?” I asked him.

“Of course.” He took the papers, looked down at them for a tense moment, and then up at me. “Rae loved you like you were hers, and I’m sorry that I didn’t know how to tell you both when she died. It was a moment of cowardice that never should have happened.” He licked his bottom lip. “You should have been offered the chance to say goodbye.”

Ryan Cody had been swallowed whole by sadness but, unlike him and his son, I never believed she was gone. I looked for her in my melancholy, whereshe would celebrate every moment no matter how sad, because Lorainne Cody could find joy in anything.

“I got to say goodbye, Mr. Cody. In my own way. I didn’t need your permission.” A genuine smile spread across my face.

“No.” He nodded. “You never did.”

“It’s time for me to go, Mr. Cody.” I pressed my lips into a thin line. “Take care of him for me?” I asked, my eyes drifting to the bracelet on my wrist.

“I’ll do better than I have been.” He nodded and disappeared from the room, leaving me to finish packing to the sound of my own crying.

MATTHEWS

2020

“That’s perfect,” Bobbi sank onto the shitty dorm mattress with a moan.

“You think?” I asked her, looking down over the short plaid skirt and black long sleeve. I felt… exposed but sexy. I turned away from her to look in the mirror again. My hair was getting so long that, even pulled into a sleek ponytail, it cascaded down my back in chestnut waves.

“We’re so ready to rush,” Bobbi giggled. She had gone with a velvet green dress that complimented her warm skin and perfected spirals of dark black hair. She had brushed gold eyeshadow across her eyes and it made her shimmer.

We had been stuck in our dorms for weeks on lockdown and it had been lifted only that morning when all the parties started to pop up around campus.

“I don’t know about ready, but we’ll look good doing it,” I mumbled and grabbed my cell before pulling Bobbi to her feet.

“What are these parties even like?” I asked her as we waited for the cab.

“Insanely fun, my brother tells war stories about them. If we’re lucky, we’ll bothget lucky.” Bobbi said as the cab pulled up and she hopped in.

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