Page 116 of Honey Pot

“You keep saying that,” he huffed and released me from his grasp, rolling on top of me in the bed and pinning my arms to the mattress. “You’re wrong. I know whatwayI want to love you, Clem.” He dropped his chin so our lips hovered inches from each other. “Infatuation is a flash in the pan, it’s a firework or a lightning strike. The way I love you is the erosion of rock, it’s the tide coming in every night, it’s the way the trees lose their leaves every fall. It’s slow, it's consistent and natural.” Cael’s voice rolled into a tight whisper.

“Picture day,” he said. I followed the twinkle in his baby-blue eyes. The gaze I so desperately wanted to be angry with. “You got bubblegum stuck in your hair, and your Momma had to cut it out and you cried the entire bike ride to school. But you sat in front of that camera, and Dad still carries that picture of you and your crooked little bangs in his wallet. I loved you so much that day I thought my heart would explode from my chest. Wewerenine.”

Our entire life was memories.

He was trying to remind me just how much he loved me.

But I knew, and it was already so painful.

“Christmas, years later, you gifted me the ugliest bracelet I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I swear you made it from the thread you pulled off your sweaters. But it was from you, and that’s all that mattered. You hadthoughtof me.”

“This bracelet outlasted every single feeling either of us had ever had. The one that still clings to my wrist is the last bit of you I still carry around with me. My heart on my sleeve,” he cooed.

“We were thirteen when I kissed my first girl.” He stared at me. Hailey Lancaster cornered me after Science in the back building. “It was horrible, and all I could think about was how badly I wanted it to be you. How guilty I feltthat it hadn’t been? But then, when I told you…” He stopped, swallowing the overwhelming feeling that formed.

I remembered that day and how empty I felt when he stumbled over his words and told me he’d had his first kiss with her, the head cheerleader.

“I left out the secret, and you were so brave and happy for me we ended up going for ice cream. On the way home, you tripped and ripped the jeans your Mama had just bought you. You cried the entire walk home and I knew that I hated you being sad, but I was so young I didn’t really know how to prevent it.”

“Cael.” I opened my mouth to stop him, but he hushed me.

“I need you to understand that I never forgot a single memory you gave me, Clem.” His grip shifted on my wrists.

“Winter formal, you wore that fluffy purple dress your Daddy hated, that was too short with those platform shoes. That was the night Andre Davey pinched you next to the punch bowl, and you spent the rest of the night waiting for your Dad in the principal's office, but that dress…” He licked his lips. “It’s burned into my memories. It hit that curve of your thighs, andIspent the entire night trying to keep my hands busy because I couldn’t touch them. I found out that day I could love you even more than I already did.”

I opened my mouth to protest, I hated these stories, all these moments. They felt sticky and hot against my skin, and I wriggled beneath him, but he wasn’t finished.

He stopped, closing his eyes for a moment and centering himself. “When we were sixteen, Kiefer Hart–” He paused. “Hurt you, and I’ll never forget the sound of you crying in your room, butthatwas the day I decided never to let you be that sad again. It was the day I learned how to be angry, I had never felt like that before.”

Hurt flickered across his face.

“But I broke that promise to myself and have spent every day since avoiding making them with anyone because the last one I broke was the worst.”

“Cael, stop.” I pushed on his chest, all while my heart was beating out of mine.

“Listen,” he said. His voice wasn’t loud but harsher than I’d ever heard from him as he rubbed his thumb against my wrist and stared at me.

“The next dance I had a plan, after we shopped for outfits. I knew you’d say yes if I asked, so I came to your house to ask if you would go with me and your Momma told me you weren’t home. I knew that was a lie, because where would you go if you weren’t with me? I should have climbed the stupid, broken terrace that night and forced you to talk to me. That would have been my only chance to dance with you that day.”

A month later, Ryan found out about the coaching position. They were gone before people even started thinking about prom invitations.

“I cried the entire way to Rhode Island in the back of the truck, just praying that maybe Dad would change his mind and turn around. That we could go home, and I could feel you again. But my prayers went unanswered, and they continued to be ignored as my Mama withered away and my Dad became cold.”

His words were like ice.

“You want to know why I don’t fight people? Why I move on from shit so easily? Because my heart never left Texas. I’m too busy living in our memories to worry about what people want to argue about now. Everyone is always trying to fill up that hole in my chest with something other thanyou. You wanna pretend like our time is up, but it never ended for me.”

“It’s too late to pretend like you always loved me,” I whispered, my chin tilted upward, and watched his restraint crumble with my lips so close.

“No, I’ve let you get away with a lot while you’ve been here, Clementine. But not that. You can’t win this one. Time can be found, time can be made.” He flinched, desperately wanting to close the distance between us, but he wouldn’t—not until I asked him. It was my line, and he’d respect it. “Why can’t you see how much I love you—how much I havelovedyou?”

“I wanted today to be fun and normal, but that’s not us. We can’t do that together anymore! It’s too hard,” I protested.

“Says who?” He huffed. “I was having fun until your fiancé walked into my house!” He shook his head at me. “Wewere having fun,” he corrected himself. “I just want to love you.”

“I don’t want to fight with you.” My voice cracked. “I don’t.”

“But you’re still leaving?” He asked, and it broke my heart.

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