Page 115 of Honey Pot

She pulled away from me, rolling over in the bed and sitting up to face me. Her body looked so tiny as she folded down into her arms. Brown strands of hair stuck to her damp cheeks, and her bottom lip jutted out as she fought back the urge to cry.

“Do you remember the bird?” Her brows pinched together, and sadness pooled in her eyes wetly.

“That stupid bird broke your heart,” I said, while my own seized in my chest.

Clementine smiled at me softly, processing my response before she spoke again. “Until last week, I thought that bird died,” she said. “Everyone lied to me foryou.”

I sat up next to her. “What?” I was lost.

“They told me the bird died to protect your emotions,” she said in the saddest tone.

“I didn’t know that. I thought you knew it flew away…” I dropped my gaze from hers and scrunched up my nose to stop the stinging that formed in defense of tears.

“But you never mentioned it, and I never asked.”

The common problem we’ve been having since day one.

“Secrets and shadows. That’s the life I’ve lived, Cael, and it wasn’t until you left that I finally was able to figure out who I was.”

It was a shot to the heart, but one I should have seen coming. It’s a tired argument we’d had before and it never got any better because I didn’t know how to be anything but the center of attention.

“We were seventeen and I loved you so much I couldn’t breathe.” She shrugged one shoulder and tucked her knees up against her chest. “It wasn’t healthy.”

“You sound like my Dad.” I sucked in a breath.

“Look at the effect that love had on us both. Open your eyes Cael.” Her arms rested on her knees and she played with the bracelet around her wrist.

“When I’m around you for too long, I feel like the little bird in that box.”

The laughter that left me felt hollow and was a hair away from turning into a sob. All that time was spent making sure she flew, keeping my distance, never pushing back on the silence. I had given up on proving myself to her because that’s what I thought she wanted, just to find out that she felt suffocated.

“You’re not the bird stuck in the box, Clementine!” I dropped my voice and moved back from her on the bed. I had never felt anger toward her, but it simmered below the surface. My eyes were brimming with hot tears.

“I made sure you weren’t the bird!” I ran my hands through my hair and turned away from her. “For seven years, you went without contact, and I just hoped that you got what you needed without me in the way. I gave you space, I made sure that bird flew even if it killed me.” I said, and there was no stopping the feelings that presented, whispering to her, “and it almost did.”

MATTHEWS

“You’re blaming the accident on me?” I stared at him for a long moment.

My heart was in agony over the back and forth, the realization that our entire lives were a disaster. Could the two of us even co-exist anymore without destruction?

“No, Plum. Never.” He grabbed my face roughly in his hands and stared at me with the most painful look in his stunning ocean eyes. “Not that,” he said. “Without you, I was left to find joy while fighting for my sanity against every stern correction Dad could hurl my way. It was never enough for him, but I held on to the fact that I had been enough foryou.”

Ryan had done whatever he could to shove that bright, beautiful boy back into a box too small to contain his light because he didn’t know how else to handle his son.

“So I found outlets that made me feel alive. I traded spots with you. I lived in that box, where I was put, a tiny injured bird without the ability to fly because I gave my wings to you. Then drugs changed that. I felt alive. People enjoyed my company. I was the center of attention. I could fly again.”

He turned to look at me then. “But no matter how high I fly, it's never far enough away from him and never close enough to you.”

“You can’t blame me for this!” I scowled, heartbroken and frustrated.

“I can’t help it.” His voice cracked under the emotion. “You’re the only person that just lovedme.Dad always wanted baseball. Mama wanted kindness, the boys wanted a party boy, Ella wanted sobriety, Arlo wanted a brother, and Silas wanted a leader. But, Clem, all you’ve ever wanted isme.”

“So what? We’re in this mess because I didn’t expect anything from you. BecauseIloved you too hard?”

“Why can’t it just be love? Why does it have to betoo much?” He asked, anger building between us.

“You aren’t in love; it’s infatuation! We had our time and it’s gone. What we’re doing is just fun, it’s a distraction. We’re different people with different lives,” I practically cried out the last part.

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