Page 100 of Honey Pot

I ignored his comment as my feet hit loose gravel, but Cael didn’t stop moving. He was taking me somewhere.

“Maybe you weren’t looking hard enough.”

His head snapped around as he scoffed, fake outrage shining brightly as he smiled with his entire face. When the sun hit him, my breath caught in my throat and, for a split second, I forgot how to breathe as he seamlessly transitioned back into that seventeen-year-old boy. His hair was longer, his shirt a different color, and his eyes a little older, but… there he was.

“You okay, Plum?” He asked, squeezing my hand as my steps slowed.

“Yeah, just déjà vu…” I forced a tiny smile to my face. “Where are we going?” I asked him.

It was his turn to have his smile falter.

“To see Mama.”

Confused and nervous, I let him lead us away from the house, past a massive homegrown baseball field, down toward the lake. It was public knowledge just how rich the Shores were, but seeing the field put it into perspective. Homegrown was lowballing all the trimmed grass and freshly painted bleachers.

As we got closer to the lake, the trees grew taller and knotted together to create a dark canopy over the winding path. When the trees finally broke, I could have cried.

A small rickety dock extended out from the shore, swaying gently over the calm body of water. In the distance, the trees broke in the prettiest way on the horizon, just enough for the sun to nestle between them and turn the sky purple. The ground around the dock was blanketed in a thick field of lavender that stretched around and grew so tall it rocked in the breeze, practically dancing under the sunset.

It reminded me of a specific spot back home where the properties met, and Mr. Cody had built a small dock for Mrs. Cody where she could read and be alone for a while. She called it her own little Heaven after her and Momma spenta long weekend planting bushes and bushes of lavender along the path that led to it and the surrounding area.

“Lavender always was her favorite.” I brushed my fingers over the tops of the petals and smiled softly, a lump forming in my throat.

“Yours too.” Cael looked back at me, the purple sky dancing in his big, sad eyes as he spoke.

“Only because of her.” My voice cracked a little. “She used to make us bundles from all those bushes and hang them above the doorways.”

He nodded and looked out over the lake.

“It’s beautiful,” I whispered.

“The week after she died was the roughest time any of us had ever had. Not just Dad and I, but everyone at the Nest,” he said and lowered himself to the dock. “You knew Mama. They were all her kids. She had been there for so long, doing everything for all of us.” A tiny whimper bubbled from him. “Dad didn’t give a shit. The minute the funeral was over, he disappeared into his office and never came out again. Silas was the only reason we survived. He collected us one at a time and shoved us on that damn bus, drove us up here, and put us all to work. It rained in sheets… pouring practically the entire time. It was like the sky was sobbing. Everyone was miserable, half of them still in their dress clothes from the funeral.”

I watched him pick at the grass, it had always been his tell that he was holding back.

“We didn’t argue, but we didn’t understand either. Mama loved the Nest. It was where she belonged, and I fought against him every step of the way.” He pointed up to the hill without looking. “Crying up there in my black suit like a brat as they built this dock and planted those flowers.”

He sniffled, and I realized he had tears streaming down his face.

“I cried for three days while they did that. I don’t even remember eating or sleeping. I just wanted to fight everyone, and it was the first time in my life I really felt angry. I was pissed off at everything, questioning why anyone would want to take her when she was the thread that held us all together.”

My heart swelled at his story, it had been hard in the isolation when Lorraine died. Hard for me, but even worse for my own Momma. But we’d had eachother. Cael had been hung out to dry by Ryan in the most heartbreaking moment of their lives.

“Arlo did his best to control the fallout but was just as sad. She had been his Mom, too, after he lost his own. He was 2-0 in that department, but I just couldn’t find the space to care for anyone but myself. It was so selfish of me. She would have been so fucking mad at me for not picking Arlo up and walking through that anger together. I failed her that day. I’ve been failing her since, but Silas was right. He just didn’t know how to explain it without sounding insane. On that third day, the sky cleared and, one by one, every player settled down on this stupid fucking hill beside me, as close as they could get, dirty hands, puffy eyes, and the sun dropped from the sky, exploding in purples, and I realized this is where Mama laid herself to rest.”

Cael scratched at his chest with two fingers mindlessly as he stared out over the water, and the sun slowly disappeared behind the lake.

“She never even came up here.” He laughed. “She said this was a place just for us, that we didn’t need her up here. We needed her at home, at the Nest.”

“And now she sleeps in the one place you can always find her.” I nodded. “I miss her a lot,” I said, thinking back on how wonderful she was. I scooted closer to him.

“She used to call me, you know?” I stopped when Cael looked over at me. “She’d never tell me what was going on with you. She’d say ‘Little Lovebug, I called to know howyou'redoing’. She had a way of making everyone feel seen.”

“I don’t know how she did it.” Cael shrugged those broad shoulders and wiped what tears remained from his cheeks on the shoulder of his shirt.

“Effortlessly.” I smiled, tucked my arm into his, and leaned my head on him,just like you.

He had no idea how much of her was ingrained in him, and it broke my heart to hear him talk about himself like that. I closed my eyes as every repressed feeling from the past seven years rushed through me at once—all the anger and frustration dancing dangerously with the want and regret.

---