Page 54 of Architect's Christmas Nanny

She blinked at him, completely confused.

“I spoke with the Butlers today,” he went on. “They said you can go to them next week. The baby will be born soon enough, and there’s plenty to keep you busy there with all the preparations. Your room is ready, and they’ll be glad to see you. You can be settled in before your classes start.”

One by one, all her dearest dreams began winking out. There would be no wedding, no front porch, and no rocking chairs. There would be no shared smiles over the breakfast table, and no holding Josie’s chubby babies on her knee one day, hearing them call hergrandma.

She was a nanny to Josie and Brad, nothing more. That’s all she would ever be. And now he was just passing her on to someone else because he was finished with her.

18

BRAD

Brad awoke in the pale light of dawn, feeling like something terrible had happened.

He sat up and blinked away the cobwebs, and it hit him all over again. Jillian was really leaving. She was going back to live with the Butlers and go to school. And because he loved her, he wasn’t going to lift a finger to stop her.

I’m practically pushing her out the door, he thought to himself sadly, picturing her face last night when he spared her the burden of telling him that she wanted to leave early.

It looked like she was in pain.

But he knew she would miss them, mostly Josie. He’d had one happy day of thinking she might love him back, and that would have to be enough. Knowing that her joy was because of the opportunity to go back to schooldidmake him happy. He wanted that for her. He wanted her to have everything.

He put on his robe and headed quietly down to thekitchen to make coffee. Josie would be up soon, and he was going to have to pull it together before she got downstairs.

Somehow, the house already felt emptier. His eyes were drawn to the living room window as he came down the steps. But the deer were nowhere to be found. The cottage probably wasn’t on their regular grazing route. Or more likely, it had been when it was empty, but now a barking dog and a bunch of noisy humans had made them shy away. But that was okay.

Just like Jillian, some special things weren’t meant to stay.

Turning into the kitchen, he spotted a piece of paper under a tin of peppermint bark candy. The note fluttered slightly as he approached.

His heart suddenly in his mouth, he held his breath as he reached for the paper. It wasn’t lost on him that Jillian often gave him a tin of the chocolate peppermint candy for Christmas. She knew it was his favorite.

His stomach twisted. Something was wrong. Why had he told her to go?

She’s sleeping upstairs. I’ll talk to her as soon as she wakes up. I’ll tell her I love her.

But he knew it was too late even before he read the words on the paper.

Dear Brad,

Thank you for giving me the nine best and most memorable years of my life. I will always care about you and Josie and hope that all the best things happen for you both. I’m feeling anxious to get back to the city so I can pack up and get ready for my new job. Please tell Josie I’ll call her every day right through Christmas. I’m so glad we were able to do our traditions together one last time.

love,

Jillian

He let the paper slip through his fingers as his chest clenched with regret.

This is the right thing. This is what she wants.

He found himself walking back to the living room window, leaning on the window frame and gazing out into the woods, where they had seen those magical deer what felt like a lifetime ago.

He stood for a long, long time, watching the sunlight reach its way slowly onto the lawn, hazy fingers of light trailing between the trees.

The sound of Josie wailing ripped him out of his thoughts, and he berated himself inwardly for not waking her to talk to her about it as he took the steps two at a time.

“She’s gone,” Josie sobbed when he opened the door.

Moose was in bed with her. He had his body curled around Josie’s, and the big dog gently nudged at her rib cage, as if to try and comfort or distract her.

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