Page 60 of Architect's Christmas Nanny

“We definitely should,” he said, letting her see his enthusiasm. “She’ll love it, and she’ll want to go on a hayride.”

“A hayride?”” Jillian asked.

He waited for her to wrinkle her nose in the way she did sometimes when she was a little bit afraid. Jillian was brave and kind, but she was still a city girl at heart.

Instead, she smiled.

“Okay,” she said. “That sounds like fun.”

“You’d be down for that?” he asked her, incredulously.

“If you and Josie are there, absolutely,” she said, smiling. “I’m trying to be more open to facing my fears these days.”

He felt a pang in his heart as he thought about her standing in front of everyone at the library.

All my dreams are right here.

He would be replaying those words in his mind forever.

“You were so brave yesterday,” he told her, hearing the rough emotion in his own voice.

“I’m trying this new thing where I actually just go for what I want,” she said, looking dreamily out at the snowy pine trees. “It doesn’t come naturally, but I’m going to do it anyway until it does.”

“In all the years I’ve known you, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you ask for what you want,” he admitted. “And I don’t think I ever realized it until recently. You asked for books and toys for Josie, and you asked for permission to take her places and do things. But you never asked for anything for yourself—not extra time off, not your own apartment, not anything at all.”

“I was happy,” she said, shrugging.

“If you had felt comfortable asking,” he said softly. “What would you have asked for?”

She turned to look at him and he felt a zap of electricity when their eyes met.

“There was only one thing I ever wanted that you didn’t give me,” she whispered.

His heart pounded like it was trying to escape his chest.

“I wanted to,” he said. “But it felt wrong. You were so young, and you worked for me. What if you didn’t feel the same and then Josie lost you? I was… Well, I was afraid. And I’m not proud of it.”

“But you’re the bravest person I know,” she said, shaking her head in disbelief.

“What are you talking about?” he asked.

“Well, most people if they were left alone with an infant would have gone back home to their parents, if their parents would have them,” she said. “And I know yours would have been happy to help with Josie.”

“I wanted more for her than what I could have provided here back then,” he said. “I had to make a name for myself before coming home.”

“It was incredibly brave,” she said.

“I just hired you,” he said, shaking his head.

“That was brave too,” she said, her eyes so serious. “I know how precious she is. Trusting someone else to care for her while you worked wasn’t easy.”

“It was easy when it was you,” he said, remembering. “You were so young. But you just knew what she needed. What we both needed.”

She smiled, her eyes on the trees, as if she were picturing it too.

“It was easy to know what she needed,” she said softly. “She just needed love.”

They rode on in silence for a little while, the horses’ huffing, and the jingling bells on their harness providing a soundtrack to their thoughts.

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