Page 64 of Hate Notes

"Like, creepy-ex weird. He's got this theory that you and Foster are..." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "I mean, I was all for it after what you told me about those emails, but you made it sound like things went south in a hurry. What gives?”

"God." I buried my face in my hands. "The other night was a disaster. First the dinner was amazing—Colton actually made Orion laugh and told these stories from college that made Orion seem like a living, breathing human, if you can believe that.”

“Hardly,” Kora said with a smirk.

“After dinner, we went back to his place and everything just..." I swallowed hard. "You should have seen Colton’s girlfriend, Kora. She was perfect. Like, genetic lottery perfect. I got myself thinking about how guys like Orion could have girls like her any time they want. And that got me thinking about how Cole, who is hardly a fraction of the man Orion is, replaced me with perfect little Kylie so easily. So I was staring at my reflection next to him and taking it all in and it just hit me: why the hell would hewant me? Why would he even stay with me if he did decide to give things a try? And then he blurted something about how us being together was inadvisable, and it felt like everything inside me just shriveled up and died.”

“Em…” Kora said softly. “First of all,youare one hell of a catch. If I was a fisherman, I’d throw Kylie back in the water. You, though? I’d bring you home and keep you in a fancy aquarium.”

I grinned. “I’m assuming that’s a compliment, so I’m just going to say thanks and ignore the obvious problems with your little image here.”

“Good. Because it’s a compliment. And Orion obviously sees it too. The guy is crazy about you.”

“Was,” I corrected. “Ever since our blow up at work, he hardly looks at me. He doesn’t even send ‘the email’ at night anymore.”

“There was a blow up at work?” Kora asked.

“Well… I think we were both feeling weird after the double date and the conversation we had at his place. Some things were said and he basically accused me of lying, working for Cole—which he apparently knew I had done all along because he looked up my work history—and trying to sleep with him to gather information for Northman Group.”

Kora pulled a face. “Ouch…”

“I know. And I got so hurt by it, even though the majority of it was true. I just… I hate that he really thinks the moments we shared could’ve been fake. Like… yes, I know I screwed up royally by not telling him the truth about Cole myself and way earlier. But I would never play with someone’s emotions and pretend to be into them—foranyreason.”

“And I assume you told him that?” Kora asked.

I fidgeted with my coffee cup. “Emotions were high, Kora. I think I was just trying not to cry like a baby because my feelings were hurt.”

She sighed. “I know it’s going to suck, but you need to have another conversation with him. Get everything out. That’s the only way any of this gets better.”

“He doesn’t want the truth anymore. He just wants me to shut up, keep my head down, and land this Davenport deal.”

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly that. He basically told me he didn’t even want to hear my secrets. I think he’d rather assume the worst than open himself up to listening.”

“And?” Kora said. “Since when has Ember Hartwell been too timid to speak her mind, whether or not somebody wants to hear it?”

I grinned a little. “Since she really liked a guy and became terrified of messing things up?”

“Can they get much more messed up than they already are?”

“Probably,” I guessed.

“Okay, true,” Kora admitted. “But what are the chances he’s going to change his mind if you keep going in silence like this? You guys need to talk. Even if you don’t talk about your little secret and whatever he might be hiding about the Davenport deal, you can at least talk about the way he makes you feel. Be honest about that and see what happens.”

“I don’t know,” I said, voice dejected. “I’m not sure he’s even going to want to listen to me anymore.”

"The longer you wait, the worse it'll be," Kora warned. "Especially if Cole decides to tell him first."

"You don't understand. He'll hate me. Everything we've built, every moment of trust—it'll all be tainted. He'll think none of it was real."

"Wasn't that the point at first?" she asked gently. "To get close enough to hurt him?"

"No," I said defensively. "Not really, at least. I mean, maybe I was okay with it in theory before I knew him. Before I saw him with his friends, with his cat, with his family. Before I realized he's not just some heartless corporate robot. He's..." I trailed off, unable to find the right words.

"The guy you're falling for?"

"I hate you."

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