Page 86 of Echoes of Us

He seemed lost as he shrugged. “I know my grasp on you is already a little too tight, and I don’t want you to feel…”

“What?” I prompted gently.

“I don’t want you to feel like I’m suffocating you,” he finished, his eyes searching mine for reassurance.

“I won’t feel like you are, Noah.”

“I’m serious, Atty,” he insisted, his voice laced with need.

“I know you are. You can hold on as tightly as you want. I’m not going to bolt. I told you already.”

“Are you sure?” he asked again.

“I’m really sure.”

He almost smiled. He grabbed my neck and maneuvered himself over me, moving his legs by my side and his arms around my neck. I hugged him back, thinking about how used I had become to him climbing over me like this. Noah was already pretty loose with his boundaries, and part of me worried he hadn’t explained exactly what holding on tighter meant to him. Still, a more significant part of me was relieved he had talked about it—that he hadn’t been using and wasn’t planning to. That his solution to this was me, not getting shit-faced or treating me like crap.

“I love you, Noah. I want to be here for you. I promise I won’t leave you, okay?” I said.

He tightened his arms around me. “I love you too.” A little breath of silence elapsed between us. “Can you hug me harder?”

I did as he asked, and he exhaled, relieved.

CHAPTER

SIXTEEN

AFTER

Life went on. I thought that night with Noah would break me, but things slowly started improving. It wasn’t that I didn’t miss him anymore; it just stopped hurting so much. Knowing that he was hurting, too, that he still loved me, made it better. I didn’t feel like an idiot for being unable to get over this quickly. The fact that he struggled just as much as I did validated my feelings, making it clear that this whole relationship wasn’t just in my head. I wasn’t sure if this was the right way to get over him, but it felt better.

A couple of weeks later, I was at the library with Georgia, one of my classmates, looking for a book we needed for the study group. Georgia sauntered ahead of me, her determined steps echoing slightly in the quiet space, while I idly scanned the rows of books, my thoughts drifting.

“I don’t get it. They’re never where they’re supposed to be,” she complained.

“Every time,” I replied, half-smiling at her exasperation.

“I wouldn’t bitch about it if the books were in the right spot,” she continued, her eyes scanning the shelves. “We’re about to cross over to English literature while looking for a book in game theory. How does that make any sense at all? Just because Jordi, who’s a fucking stoner, goes with the flow. You can’t go with the flow with the Dewey Decimal System, Att,” she huffed, the annoyance clear in her voice as she rifled through the book titles.

I followed her across the aisle and suddenly spotted Noah sitting with Holly at a nearby table. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. His face was serious, his brows furrowed as he spoke. He didn’t see me.

I kept walking after Georgia, hiding behind the shelf, and sighed deeply. “Damn it,” I muttered under my breath, the familiar ache of seeing him tightening in my chest.

“See? I’m not the only one annoyed,” Georgia said, stopping near the corner to look at the books.

I leaned my back against the bookcase, the cool wood pressing into my spine. Seeing him around felt strange. There was no animosity between us, but we weren’t anything to each other either. I wondered if it felt strange for him too.

“I don’t want to go out with her.” Noah’s voice floated over from the other side of the shelf, and my heart stopped at his words.

“You’re being so annoying today,” Holly replied.

I stared at Georgia. She was about to say something, so I tugged on her shirt and held a finger to my lips. Her eyebrows knitted together, confused

“It’s boring as fuck. I hate her,” Noah said.

I felt a pang of pain. I pointed towards the shelf, mouthing “my ex” at Georgia, and saw her eyes widen before she mouthed “Noah.” I started moving, but she held me by my shirt to stop me.

“Definitely annoying. Then just date someone else and stop complaining about it,” Holly said.

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