Page 71 of Echoes of Us

“Am I your best friend?” Noah asked me with a smile.

“No, you’re my boyfriend. That’s different,” I said to him.

“Then who is your best friend?” Chase asked.

“My mom,” I said, and they allawwwed in chorus.

“You have to be the only grown man in existence who can get away with saying shit like that,” Ezra said, laughing.

“You’re too fucking cute, Atty,” Noah told me.

“I think I might have a crush on him now,” Chase joked. “And Atty? Please let me call you that from now on?”

“No fucking way. What did I say about personal information?” I said to Noah, who smiled and leaned closer to me, kissing my cheek.

Chase tugged on my shirt and kissed my other cheek.

“For fuck’s sake.” I pushed him back.

They kept laughing at my expense, and after Sarah gotthere, they moved on to shots. I couldn’t complain about them getting along, mainly because Ezra loved Chase, and it was helping him stop being mean to Noah. It was nice seeing them getting along.

After the shots got to them, Chase, Sarah, and Noah coaxed me away from the team and towards the back of the pool. Of course, they smoked weed. I rolled my eyes at them, and Chase sniggered excitedly at the prospect of me smoking with them. By the night’s end, Noah was friends with all of them—not that I was surprised—and he had already made plans to see Chase in a couple of days.

When we got home, he was more than a little tipsy. Even though I tried to get him to sleep on his bed, he insisted on getting me to stay while he kissed my neck and straddled my lap, rubbing himself over me. I was lightheaded enough not to care, so I locked the door and got him out of his clothes. Whenever we kissed like this, Noah started to get impatient. He was trying his best to get me to stop thinking and just go along for the ride, whatever that was. It’s not like Noah had to try very hard. If he managed to get his hands or mouth below my belt, I was lost. That night, he got me naked in bed with him, and I knew things were slipping further out of my control, but I couldn’t say no to him.

I was terrible at denying him anything.

CHAPTER

FOURTEEN

AFTER

We had won the first round at the NCAAs against UC Irvine. It was a big deal, especially since it was Ezra and Colin’s last championship. They threw a celebration party at our apartment, which I was usually against, but they deserved it. We all did. The only downside was Noah. We couldn’t have a team celebration excluding one team member. I had to wrap my head around Noah being in the house and at a party. I couldn’t think of anything I’d like to see less than Noah back in the party mood.

It had been almost a month since the fight at the Penn State match, and I was still trying to keep out of his way. I stopped fighting him and he stopped trying to talk to me. It still hurt like hell seeing him every day, and it hurt even more realizing he was turning into a stranger.

So much had changed about him. The way he dressed, for one. Off the court, he looked put together in a way I hadnever seen before. I used to see him in ripped jeans and beat-up T-shirts. Now, he mostly wore black shirts and classic jeans. He still wore his gold chain and signet ring, but he had added another simple gold ring on his forefinger, a tiny hoop earring, and a fancier-looking watch. His hair was neatly styled, a touch of rebellion softened into something more sophisticated. I only saw it tousled like he used to wear it after long training sessions or games. I only saw glimpses of his shoulders when he nudged at his sleeves before catching a serve. He no longer pulled his shirt up to dry the sweat on his brow, reserved about showing his body. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of how he had filled out; it was more like he didn’t feel the need to show himself off. I wondered if that had been for my benefit before. He’d always smile after he’d done it, and after we were together, he’d sometimes add a wink. Now, he kept his eyes trained away from mine. Sometimes, I’d think he was watching me, too, but I’d turn, and his eyes would be fixed on something else.

He talked about his classes, about running late or having something due. At the end of practice, he would pull out a set of keys, which I could only guess belonged to a car, as he walked out, chatting.

I had no idea who this Noah was. He smiled like before, his nose wrinkling when he made a joke at his own expense or when something embarrassed him. I only heard him genuinely laughing a couple of times, and it always made my heart ache. He was always talking to someone, moving his hands and widening his eyes to get his point across. I caught him mumbling words to a song or humming a beat several times, but none of the dancing. He still did that thing while he played: knees slightly bent, swaying from side to side, a smile playing on his lips, and his eyes focused. Whenever I saw that, I missed him the most. That intense look he got in his eyes was the same way he used to look at me.

Standing in front of my closet, I gazed down at the littlepile of clothes Noah had given me and the white box holding the watch. I had never gotten around to getting rid of those. I grabbed a shirt and closed the closet. It was so sad I could only think about Noah after winning that game. I was so tired of feeling this way. After months of not thinking about him, now it was like I couldn’t shake him off.

I downed a couple of beers in quick succession when people started showing up, trying to take the edge off. I shouldn’t have bothered because by the time he did show up an hour and a half later, I was already on my sixth one, and I had never gotten used to drinking. I had seen him at a couple of parties before, always trying not to look at him and leaving quickly after I had. There was nowhere to run this time, and I couldn’t stop looking. I half expected him to walk in with that gray sleeveless shirt he’d always worn, but he came in with a colorful button-down. He had his sleeves rolled back, and enough of the shirt open to see the top of his chest and collarbone. It was almost modest, considering what he wore before. It was loose on him and not tucked into his jeans. His hair was tousled again, falling over his forehead, barely touching his eyebrow.

It was the best I had ever seen him look. Damn it.

He walked in with David, talking, but I could tell from his smile that he was nervous. He looked around the room until his eyes met mine. His jaw clenched, and he gave me a quick nod before looking away.

“How are you holding up?” Colin asked me.

I turned towards him. We had been talking just now, but Noah had distracted me.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to be over him,” I admitted with a sigh. I turned my back on him. “I can’t wait to graduate now. I don’t know what I’m going to do next semester without you guys here,” I said, picking at the label on my beer.

“We’ll miss you, too, Att,” he said, nudging his shoulder with mine.

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