Page 170 of Echoes of Us

The elevator dinged, and Noah’s eyes drifted towards it. Pressing his lips into a thin line, he looked haunted. His hand tightened on mine before letting go. He gave me a little push on my arm, and I sighed, kissing his cheek and walking in.

“I love you too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I thought I saw his lip trembling before he bit down on it, his eyes fixed on mine.

The elevator doors closed.

CHAPTER

TWENTY-SIX

AFTER

The elevator’s door opened.

I took a deep breath, holding the door before stepping inside. The lights were on in the kitchen, and a wave of nausea hit me at the familiarity. I’d never wanted to set foot in this place again. I’d had so many nightmares about it.

They always started with Noah in my arms, happy, and then I’d be in this empty wasteland of an apartment, alone, finding him gone. The floors would be a mess, sticky from leftover drinks, empty cups, and beer bottles scattered. His closet doors would be ajar, not an item of clothing left except those inside a cardboard box by the entrance, holding my things, neatly folded. It had always felt too empty here, but without him, it felt like a void, sucking all the happiness from me and leaving me with only the worst memories of Noah. I couldn’t begin to describe the pain I felt, the all-consuming, splitting heartbreak of his absence from my life.

I took another deep breath and moved inside.

It looked nothing like before. The same space, but now it was filled with him. The hall that led to the other rooms had a rug on the floor and framed pictures on the wall—old band posters. There were appliances in the kitchen and clean plates drying in a rack by the sink. A potted plant sat on the counter next to the keys I always saw in his hands after practice. A large wooden dining room table stood beyond that, leading into an actual living room, not just his old couch and TV. There was even furniture on the balcony. His drum set was in the far corner of the living room by the windows.

It was like walking into another dimension, one where Noah wasn’t broken but a healed version of himself. The Noah that should have been, not the one I got in the end.

I stood by the counter, placing my hand on the cool surface. It was so different.

“Hey, sorry about that. I wasn’t expecting company.” Noah stepped out of his room. He was wearing black sweatpants and a shirt, his hair tousled like he had just pulled it on. His little gold chain was hanging out. He was barefoot, and something about that made him look a million times more vulnerable. It made me think back to when he was mine.

Noah’s eyes were still wide, and he rubbed his palms over his thighs, looking uncomfortable.

I glanced around again and sighed. “It looks very different here.” I echoed my thoughts.

“Yeah, you were right about it being depressing. I got stuff before I moved back in.” He had his hand on the back of his head, scratching his hair—Noah’s nervous gesture.

“You’re not going out?”

“I was going with Holly to an art gallery, but she blew me off. She had a date.” He seemed uncertain, his eyes scanning me, trying to figure out what was going on. This was different about him too. He was thinking before asking me outright what the hell I was doing back at his apartment.

I took another step inside, and he stepped back as I walked in. He had changed the couch too. The coffee table was different, even the TV, but our old PlayStation was still there.

“I’m sorry, I can’t get over how much it’s changed.” I turned towards him again. His eyes looked greener when he was thrown off base.

He bit his lip. “I’d offer to show you around, but it seems kind of weird.” He watched me, waiting. I didn’t say anything, and he took a deep breath. “You know, because you used to live here, and the last time we talked, you said you were done with me, so I’m a little confused right now,” he added quickly.

My lips pulled up at the corners. That was more like it. “I talked to Holly today.”

His body tensed in a whole new way. It wasn’t just the confusion now. There was surprise and apprehension. “Oh.” He avoided my gaze.

“Yeah.”

Noah made his way towards the kitchen, and I followed him, staying farther behind.

“And what did you talk about?” He tried and failed to sound casual.

“Your overdose,” I said bluntly.

His shoulders tensed before falling. He had his back to me, and I could easily see the muscles under his shirt. I knew how they looked now; I didn’t need to guess.

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