Page 107 of Echoes of Us

He ran his tongue over his lips. I forced myself to look away.

“You were going to say something,” I prompted, meeting his eyes again.

“Yeah, I was going to ask if you maybe wanted to see each other sometime, you know, intentionally.” He had this look on his face, almost like he was bracing himself for rejection but still forcing himself to ask. It was so like him.

I looked back at my feet, my heart heavy. He stood there, waiting for me to respond. The words stuck in my throat.

“No, Noah,” I said finally, my chest tightening as they left my mouth.

He looked away from me, the hope in his eyes dimming. “I thought you might say that. I just thought, I don’t know. I guess I’m a sucker for punishment,” he added with a bitter laugh.

“I’m not punishing you.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” He reached his hand to my elbow absently, probably not even realizing he was doing it. “I meant?—”

“I know what you meant, but I want you to know I’m not saying no to punish you. I’m trying to be okay around you, but it’s still hard. You and I have a lot of history, and there’s still so much I don’t think I’m over. I know you didn’t mean to do it, but you really hurt me, Noah.”

He dropped his hand and clicked his tongue, looking away.

“Even this. I’m thrilled you’re doing better, but it hurts that you didn’t change while we were together, and now it feels like it’s too late. Not for you, but for seeing each other intentionally.”

“I get it.” His shoulders slumped. I hated that he seemed so defeated.

“You did a really good thing for yourself, Noah. I’m proud of you. I just can’t…” My voice trailed off.

He smiled, a small, sad smile.

“What?”

“You didn’t have a nickname for me, but you can’t get out of the habit of comforting me.”

I blinked. I guess he was right about that.

“I know. I won’t go back if that’s what makes you nervous. I’m out here smoking this crap because I’m dealing with things differently. That’s not going to change,” he assured me.

I turned, leaning my shoulder on the wall, facing him, mimicking his stance. “That’s good.”

That was a mistake. Noah looked fantastic tonight, his black sweater fitted perfectly, his sleeves rolled back, accentuating his lean, muscular frame. He looked better than I remembered, healthier, stronger. I wished I could see him without that sweater on—without anything on.

When our eyes met, he was looking right at me, with not a trace of a smile on his face.

“You know, it’s really confusing when you keep telling me to stay away from you, but you look at me like that. And you smile at me. I’m not sure what it means.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be confusing. I just don’t know how to act around you,” I admitted honestly. “Plus, Ezra and Chase kept giving me shots, so I’m a little drunk. That makes it harder.”

He let out a laugh. “I noticed.”

“You know I didn’t want to kiss Chase, right? That was terrible,” I confessed, unable to hold back.

He smiled again, looking uncomfortable but relieved. “Was it?”

“Yeah, he was insufferable about it. I thought it would shut him up, but it backfired.”

“I told you he was into you,” Noah remarked.

I let out a light laugh. “Chase isnotinto me. If he was, he’s definitely not into me anymore. I think he just wanted to tell Sarah he did it, some sort of weird foreplay with me in the middle.”

“Sarah was into you too,” he said.

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