Page 83 of Echoes of Us

“Like you want me here? Don’t you want space?”

He strode over and grabbed my hand.

I snatched it away.

“Stop being like that. I told you I just needed to be alone for a bit.” Noah put the bag down, rubbed his face in his hands, closed his eyes tightly, and then focused them on me. Or at least that’s what he tried to do.

“You’re the one who needs to snap out of it, not me.” I turned towards the door again.

Noah grabbed my bag and held me back. I let it fall into his grasp.

“I’m not playing this game with you, Noah.” I stepped into the elevator. I saw his unfocused face for a second before the doors closed.

I lumbered back to my dorm, pissed and confused. Noah had never treated me like this. I had never seen him be this serious or this mean. It was like looking at another person.

When I got to the dorm, I tried distracting myself, but part of me just wanted to run back to him and make sure he was okay. Spending the night without him terrified me, especially with him acting this way. At ten, I tried to go to sleep, but I just stared up at the ceiling, feeling hollow and restless. Maybe I needed to do something differently. I could go back and make sure he was okay. Perhaps I was being harder on him than necessary. Maybe he just needed me and didn’t know how to ask for it.

I stared at my phone and considered calling him again when I heard a knock on my door. Noah was on the otherside. His eyes, more focused now, still held a trace of turmoil.

“Can I come in?” His voice was soft and hesitant.

I took a deep breath and stepped aside. He walked in, and I closed the door behind him. He moved closer, and I stepped back, shaking my head slightly.

“What’s going on with you?” I sat in my desk chair and turned on the light. The yellow glow cast long shadows across the room, highlighting the strain in his expression.

“I’m sorry about today. I’m sorry, Atty, I’m not used to having someone around when I’m going through something,” he ended with a shrug.

“What were you going through?”

He sighed deeply and sat on the bed, leaning on his knees, his shoulders hunched.

“Shit with my mom, things I need to get done. I have to fly to Seattle to sign some papers because I’m turning twenty-one, and now I’m legally responsible for everything,” he explained, his tone weary.

“Why couldn’t you tell me that instead of making me feel like shit all day?” I asked.

His gaze dropped to his lap, his fingers nervously fidgeting.

“I spent the day worried about you, waiting for you to show up. I got Holly’s number and called her when you didn’t. It’s not fair, Noah. I know you’re going through something, and I know things with your family are hard for you, but you shouldn’t take it out on me. It’s not fair,” I told him, my voice firm but tinged with hurt.

“You’re right.” He moved towards me, kneeling on the floor and looking up, his hands resting gently on my thighs. His eyes looked red-rimmed again. “I don’t know how to do this sometimes, being with you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t want you to keep seeing this side of me. I onlywant you to see the good things, but the shit just keeps coming up with you, and I’m scared you’re going to bolt.” He was struggling to get the words out.

I touched his face and leaned towards him. “I’m not going to bolt, Noah,” I told him gently.

He met me halfway, pressing his lips on mine. He climbed over my lap and wrapped his arms around my neck, holding me tightly. “I’m sorry.”

I sighed, holding him at his waist. “Maybe I shouldn’t be staying at your apartment every night.”

“We can stay here tonight if you want,” he offered, his tone hopeful.

I closed my eyes, fighting the urge to relent. “No, Noah, I meant we shouldn’t sleep together every night,” I clarified.

He moved back to look at me, a deep frown etching lines into his forehead. “Why?”

“What do you mean why? You told me today you needed me to leave you alone, that you needed space,” I reminded him.

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