Page 124 of Echoes of Us

“And please don’t tell me you didn’t want to disappoint me.”

The corners of his lips pulled down. “That’s the truth, Atty. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“You know what’s disappointing, Noah? The fact that you keep lying to me. I’m really tired of this trickle of truths.Every time I think I know what’s going on with you, someone else has to tell me there’s this whole other side I know nothing about. I’m tired of being blindsided.”

His face softened. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I’ll tell you about it—all of it. Let’s go back home, and I’ll tell you about it.” He held his hand out to me.

“Do you promise, for real this time?” I needed to believe him.

“I promise, Atty,” he said.

I stared down at his hand.

“I’m learning here. I’ve never done this before, having a relationship like you need and deserve. I’m sorry I keep screwing it up, but I’m trying to learn how to do it. I don’t want to let you down.”

It was so difficult to know what was right, whether to trust my friends or him. I had no idea what to do. My instincts felt nonexistent when it came to Noah. It was almost like, behind the two sides of Noah, there was a smaller, hidden one—the real Noah. He was the one I knew, the one looking at me now. Not the happy mask he wore or his darker side, but this caring, scared kid waiting for me to take his hand and be with him.

The Noah I had found in his room, the one that had joined me in the shower that first time, and the one who told me how much he missed his dad. They were all the same person I was seeing now. If I could clear all the other stuff away, maybe this could work. When things were good between us, it was like being on top of the world. I had never known happiness like this. I wanted to make this work more than anything.

So I took his hand.

CHAPTER

TWENTY

AFTER

It was Monday, and facing Noah again after we kissed made me more nervous than I had been in a long time. My palms were sweating, my lips were bitten raw, and I kept cracking my knuckles. I hesitated before entering the clubhouse, unsure how to handle the situation. Wishing, not for the first time, that Noah hadn’t come back so I wouldn’t have to deal with this.

I held my hand on the door, willing myself to push it open.

“Hey,” I heard behind me. Of course, it was Noah.

I turned around. He wasn’t exactly smiling. He was nervous too.

“Noah.” I tried to sound calm.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” I lied, looking away.

He took a deep breath. “Atticus.”

I blinked, looking back at him. It was strangehearing him use my full name. He’d only done it when we first met and occasionally when he was too mad to call me Atty.

“Do you think we could talk? After training?”

“I’d rather not,” I replied honestly.

“But—”

“I know what you want to talk about, but I haven’t dealt with it yet. So honestly, I think we shouldn’t talk about it.”

“Okay, maybe not today, but when you’ve dealt with it?” he asked. “You can let me know whenever. I’ll be there.” Noah seemed more apprehensive than hopeful—like he was approaching a scared animal.

I pressed my lips together to keep from smiling at the thought and nodded briskly. He smiled, a small, tentative curve of his lips.

“I’m going in,” I told him, feeling the urge to escape the tension.

---