Page 22 of Frozen Heart

Except she’d seen me do it.

By the time I reached the lobby, she was already running down the street. I raced out into the rain and chased after her. I had no idea what I was going to do. I just knew I needed to fix it, somehow.

I thought of that morning, at the warehouse, I’d sat straddling a chair, looking down at the naked and bloody Doyle and Yoz. “There’s something I’ve been struggling with,” I’d said slowly. “But I haven’t been able to tell anyone. I haven’t been able to...” —I’d looked at Doyle—“what do you British say?Get it off my chest.People would think I was weak. But I can tell you two.” I’d leaned closer. “I can tell you because I know you won’t leave this room alive.”

And I’d told them. I’d told them that I liked her. It felt good, to say it out loud, just that once. It made me sure that I’d done the right thing, walking away from her. And it made Doyle and Yoz understand what I was going to do to them, and why.

I’d picked up the pruning shears and made two quick snips. And then I’d waited until the screaming stopped and the blood slowed to a trickle, and they were dead.

I’d thought I’d never see her again. Now, somehow, she was here. I kept rerunning the look of raw horror she’d given me, my stomach twisting into a cold, hard knot. I couldn’t leave it like this.I have to catch her.

She was running with everything she had and even with my longer legs, it took me a full block to close the gap. Finally, I managed to grab her shoulder and tug her to a stop.

She spun around. “Get away from me!”

I staggered back. It felt like she’d emptied a shotgun into my chest.

“Get away from me,” she repeated, her voice shaky.

I’d always been proud that I scared people. Until now.

“Get away from me.” This time, it was a plea. When her eyes filled with tears, I felt that protective urge take hold of me, and I reached for her, but she flinched back.

I wanted to kill the thing that was scaring her. But the thing that was scaring her was me.

I couldn’t fix it.

I stepped back, my hands raised in submission.

And for the second time in a day, I walked away from her.

14

BRONWYN

He killed him.I kept seeing it in my head, the bald man’s head hitting the shower stall.He killed him.

I’d always known he was a criminal. But all those little moments in the bookstore had made me convince myself, stupidly, that there was warmth in him, hidden away under all that ice.

But no. He reallywasa monster.

I watched him go, silent tears flooding down my cheeks. I’d hurt before, when he’d walked out on me. But this was much, much worse. I’d been completely wrong about him, I was scared and shaken and there was no one I could go to, no one I could tell. Baba was too ill. Jen and my other friends I couldn’t face: I felt too stupid.Yeah, I knew he was a gangster, but I thought he wasn’t like the others.

You fucking idiot, Bronwyn.

Should I go to the police? That would have consequences. This was theRussian mafia,they could hurt me or hurt Baba to get to me. I knew now what he was capable of.

But the hardest part was...even now, I still couldn’t shake the feeling that he wouldn’t hurt me. A traitorous little part of mewondered,is this why he walked out on me? To keep me away from all this?

Even now, I still wanted to believe in him.

15

RADIMIR

For the next three days,I stomped around in an even fouler mood than normal. I couldn’t stop seeing Bronwyn’s horrified face, or hearing her tell me to get away from her. I should never have given in to that first moment of weakness, when I’d seen her in the bookstore. I’d fucked up badly.

But it was much worse than I thought.

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