Page 37 of Frozen Heart

“Sudden?Fivemonthswould be sudden,” said Sadie.

“It must have been really...intense,” said Jen slowly. “You must have been seeing each other, like, every night, those five weeks.” She looked at her plate. “You always say you’re too busy at the bookstore to hang out. Why didn’t you just tell me you were seeing someone?”

She looked hurt. Theyalllooked hurt. I looked around at them helplessly. I reallyhadbeen busy working late at the bookstore. But now I had to pretend I’d been seeing Radimir all those weeks, or they’d get suspicious. “Sorry. I was just worried it might not work out, so I wanted to keep it private.”

The wine arrived and everyone went silent as Jen poured four big glasses.Shit.They all thought I’d been keeping things from them. I knew Jen would take it especially hard: we’ve always told each other everything. But I couldn’t tell them the truth. If they tried to stop the wedding, or went to the police, they’d be in danger.Maybe I should have just disappeared,I thought miserably.Cut off all contact with them.

But I’d underestimated them. “So,” said Jen, rallying. “A whirlwind romance. But it’s probably a long engagement, right?” She gave me a brave smile, determined to be happy for me, and I just melted inside. Even hurt, they were great friends. “What are we talking about, a year?”

I took a big gulp of wine for strength. “Three weeks.”

Jen’s jaw dropped. “You’repregnant!”

“Should you be drinking?” asked Luna gently.

“I’m not pregnant!” Saying it sent my mind spinning in a whole new direction.Would I have kids with Radimir?I wanted a family, someday. But I couldn’t raise kids in a loveless marriage. And I couldn’t love a man like him...right?

“Then whythree weeks?”Sadie asked. “Don’t you think you’re rushing into this?”

I took a deep breath. “I know. I know it seems crazy but…”Crap.I really wasn’t good at lying. I stared at my plate as my mind groped around for an explanation. Then suddenly, it locked onto something. “He makes me feel protected,”I told them. “Like no one else ever has. He takes me just as I am. When he found out about my disability, he was fine with it.” I thought of how he’d bought the building to save the bookstore. “And he’d move mountains just to make me happy.”

Silence. I tentatively looked up and found all three of them wearing big, goofy grins. “You love him,” said Jen softly.

I nodded. My stomach unexpectedly flipped, even though it was just a lie.I could never love someone like him. I could never even have feelings for him.

Jen looked at Sadie and Luna and all three of them nodded. “Well, okay, then,” she said, her voice shaky with emotion. And she stood and pulled all of us into a hug. “If you love him, that’s all that matters.”

I felt tears prickling my eyes. “Can you all please be bridesmaids?” I croaked. The hug got tighter. They thought I was crying with happiness.

I went straight from lunch to my hospital appointment. My Rheumatologist was running late, so I sat in the waiting room trying and failing to lose myself in a book. I hate hospitals. The disinfectant smell takes me back to all the times I’ve been painfully poked and prodded and that first, scary diagnosis. They’re huge and echoey and I always feel small and alone.

Someone sat down next to me. I kept my eyes on my book.

Then I caught that citrus-and-vanilla scent. My head snapped around and I looked right into Radimir’s frozen-sky eyes.

“What are you doing here?” I squeaked.

He frowned. “My fiancée is at the hospital. Where else would I be? Now: what’s the matter?”

I stared at him. “How did you know I was here?”

“Valentin has been following you.” He nodded across the room, and I saw Valentin step out of the shadows.

“What?!You had someone follow me?”

“Notsomeone.It’s Valentin. He’s family. And very good at staying out of sight: you didn’t even notice him, did you?”

I glared at Valentin, who at least had the decency to look embarrassed. “No,” I admitted.

“Andyes,”said Radimir.“I had him follow you. I needed to make sure no harm came to you. Now: what’s the matter with you?”

I stared at him. It was controlling and arrogant and a violation of my privacy...but it was also protective, in a clumsy way. “The arthritis is getting worse,” I told him. “It happens, sometimes: a flare up. When that happens, my Rheumatologist usually changes up my medications and puts me on steroids for a while to damp things down.”

He frowned. “Won’t that damp down your whole immune system, as well?”

I shrugged. “Yeah. If I catch a bug, it’ll be worse. But it’s better than the pain. And flare ups could damage my joints permanently if the inflammation isn’t kept under control.”

His brows lowered and he lookedpissed,like he wanted to reach inside me, tear the arthritis out and beat it to death on the tiled floor. “I don’t want you getting ill. But I don’t want you to be in pain, either. There are no other options?”

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