Page 2 of Protectors

“You know you always have a place at home, yeah?” my dad Cage asks, pulling me into his arms and holding me close.

“I know. I love you all and I’ll see you soon,” I tell them, not knowing how true those words are.

Pops walks me out to my car but doesn’t say a word as he waits for me to get inside. Looking up at the man who’s always been there for me I want to confess all of my secrets to him. Instead, I give him a small smile and watch as he closes the door with heartache and concern filling his eyes. He’s not going to push me to talk about this situation and knows I realize he’ll be there when I’m ready to get help. Even though no one knows about the abuse because I’ve gotten really good at hiding it, it wouldn’t surprise me to know Pops knows what’s really happening.

Growing up, we were all told about my mom and the shit she went through with Jameson and Reagan’s sperm donor. She didn’t hide the abuse, cheating he did, or anything else. We all heard the story and listened to her as she cried and told us every detail. Our mom didn’t want any of us to go through what she did and when it comes to me, I’m only following in her footsteps. I’m letting a man put his hands on me and allowing him to have the control over me to make me pull back from everyone I love and cherish in my life. To lie and keep secrets from them. This is never who I thought I’d be growing up and hearing the hell our mom suffered through.

Starting my car, I pull away from the clubhouse and head to the apartment I share with Terrence. One where I pay all the bills and support him because he’s too fucking lazy to get a job and it’s just one more way to control me because I can’t keep my money to myself. Little does he realize the amount I’ve managed to save over the years and continue to do since being with him.

It doesn’t take me long to pull up in front of the apartment and park my car just outside our front door. The lights are on in the apartment and the curtains and blinds I keep closed in the living room are wide open. Terrence wants to see me the second I pull in so he can start his shit. Looking in the window, I see him pacing the floor, his fingers yanking the strands of hair at the top of his head. Terrence’s face is red with anger and even from this distance I can see the manic look in his eyes. Part of me wants to start the car and head straight back to the clubhouse and my family. If I do, I know I’ll be safe and won’t have to deal with Terrence ever again. However, another part of me can’t seem to walk away from him. Even knowing how wrong this situation is and how horrible he is to me, I feel as if I need to stay with him. Yes, he’s threatened to kill himself if I leave him and everything else he can think of to ensure I remain at his side. I’m so tired of this shit.

“Alana!” Terrence screams into the night as my head shoots back up and I see him standing in the doorway of our apartment, rage-filled eyes staring me down.

Taking a deep breath, I get out of my car and shove my keys in my purse after locking my car. I slowly walk toward Terrence, each step feeling as if I’ve got cement encasing them making me move slower and slower the closer I get to him. The second I’m in arms’ reach, Terrence grabs a fistful of hair and drags me into the apartment before slamming the door closed behind him.

“Do you think I’m fucking stupid?” Terrence screams in my face, spittle covering my skin as I shudder in revulsion. “How many did you fuck today? Three? Four?”

“I didn’t have sex with anyone at the clubhouse, Terrence,” I state, my voice devoid of emotion as I look at him. “Those men are blood relatives or people I’ve grown up viewing as my uncles and cousins. No one was even really there until we had dinner. I decorated with my mom and aunts, helped make dinner, ate, and then came home. Exactly what I told you I was going to do.”

“Lies. All fucking lies,” Terrence says, pulling his other hand back and landing a punch directly on my nose.

The crunch of my nose breaking fills the silent apartment as blood starts to flow down my face. Terrence doesn’t stop at one punch though. He lands one punch after another calling me a slut, whore, liar, trash, and so many other vile names. Pain bursts through my body with each hit he lands until I can no longer remain on my feet. As I collapse to the floor at Terrence’s feet, several strands of hair rip from my head. This isn’t the first time he’s ripped hair out and the pain hurts so much each and every time it happens.

I try to curl up in a ball as Terrence continues to beat the hell out of me. I’ve been trained by my dads, Pops, uncles, and cousins growing up to fight and defend myself. However, every single time Terrence beats the hell out of me, my fight or flight doesn’t kick in like normal. I literally freeze on the spot and all the training I’ve had over the years disappears from my mind. There’s nothing I can do to protect myself or get Terrence to leave me alone as he rains down blows one after another.

Black spots fill my vision as I look up to see Terrence. He’s covered in sweat, his clothes have blood splatters on them, and his knuckles are broken and bleeding from the damage he’s done to me. Terrence’s eyes are wild as he looks down at me. I’m not even sure he’s seeing me at this point.

“Stupid fucking slut! Get this fucking place cleaned up by the time I return. You’re so fucking lazy and useless,” Terrence demands, landing one last hit before storming out of the apartment and slamming the door closed behind him.

I carefully move my body around until I can get my purse where it was dropped behind my body when the beating started. Carefully digging through the contents since Terrence stomped on my hand at one point, I manage to find my phone and pull it out. I can’t see the screen in front of me as everything starts to fade to nothing. Somehow I manage to unlock my phone and pull up my dad Cage’s contact before calling him.

“Baby girl, did you forget somethin’?” he asks me, concern lacing his tone.

“Daddy,” I say, not able to get more out as I fade to nothing.

I don’t hear my dad screaming out my name or the panic filling his voice. The room around me is gone and the pain subsides to nothing. This isn’t how I planned on any of my relationships going and I know it’s time to leave Terrence behind. Now, I won’t have a choice in the matter. My family is going to learn my deepest, darkest secret and there’s nothing I can do about it. Terrence has laid his hands on me for the last time.

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