Page 40 of Protectors

“It’s alright, Sweetheart. Why don’t you start countin’ like Debbie taught you? Ghost tells me that’s one of the methods you’ve been taught and the one that works the best,” Pops says, his voice sounding as if he’s a million miles away instead of the few feet separating us.

Nodding my head, I start the counting method in my mind. I focus on everything around me and pick things out that don’t necessarily stand out to anyone else around me. As I focus on counting and finding things that match what the number represents in my mind, the guys with me remain silent as we make our way through the city. It works slightly as Pops pulls in the back of the shop and parks next to Ghost’s truck. He shuts the engine off and tells Kian and Deegan to get out but to remain next to us. I get all the time I need to calm myself down as much as possible. When I feel as if I have a grip on myself, I take a deep breath and slowly release it before getting out of the truck followed by Pops. We head inside and I make my way over to Ghost who’s just finishing up with a client. He pulls me into his arms and holds me close while Crab finishes up with his client and gives us the time I need right now.

I’ve been at PhantomInk for a few hours now and the panic attack I started to get yesterday when I was out putting up the fliers for my photography is threatening to take hold and suck me under. Kaden sees my distress as I sit at the counter and finish cashing out the client he just finished tattooing. He’s immediately at my back, rubbing his hand up and down my back. Leaning down, he murmurs words of love and support in my ear so no one else can hear him as my body trembles and sweat covers me. I’m breathing as if I’ve just run a marathon and my heart is beating so fast I’m worried it will beat right out of my chest. Soon, I’m surrounded by my dads, Pops, Stryker, Kian, and Deegan. They don’t let anyone see me as my vision starts to fade and I know this panic attack won’t subside with the techniques Debbie has been working with me on.

I’m not sure how long it takes for the panic attack to take over. Kaden doesn’t ever move from me as he only switches places to kneel down in front of me. My dad Cage takes his spot at my back and starts to rub his hand up and down my back. Joker and Pops are on either side of me unsure of what to do. This is the first time any of them besides Kaden have seen me in a full blown panic attack.

“Tink, you gotta breathe with me. Come on, Alana. Take a deep breath in and hold it for a count of five,” he says, his voice broken and hoarse as fear consumes him.

I try to lock eyes with Kaden and it takes a few minutes before I can. The dark sapphire of his eyes soak up the gray that’s usually visible when he’s not scared. It breaks my heart to see him so scared as I try to take in a deep breath like he’s coaxing me to take. Again, it takes a long time before I can actually take in more than a gasp. When I’m finally able to bring air into my lungs, it burns. I feel as if I haven’t been able to breathe in years instead of the length of this panic attack.

Time comes to a stop as I focus on Kaden and get my breathing under control. As that regulates, my heart rate starts to slow down and my body cools as my body temperature drops rapidly. My body is covered in goosebumps as the shop comes into complete focus once again. Other than my immediate family and the Prospects standing around me in a protective manner, the shop is completely silent and tears fill my eyes in shame and guilt. I’ve essentially shut the shop down because of my inability to maintain control of myself.

“What do you need, Tink?” Kaden asks me, his voice soft and gentle as he places his hand on my cheek and I lean into his touch.

“I need some air. Can I go outside and get some fresh air?” I return, my voice broken as the tears continue to slide down my face.

“Yeah, Tink. Take Kian with you. Deegan will go to the side of the buildin’ and more guys will come out in a minute. Take the time you need and I’ll be out as soon as I can. My next tattoo is somethin’ small and won’t take me long. If you need to go home, I’ll cancel my appointments for the day and we’ll go home,” he assures me as he stands and then helps me from my chair.

Kian stands close to me as we make our way to the back of the shop and head out of Phantom Ink. I remain close to the building as I pace slowly back and forth before stopping and resting my hands on my knees as my body continues to tremble in the aftermath of the panic attack. The Prospect doesn’t say a word to me as he remains vigilant to our surroundings because I sure as hell can’t focus on anything right now. I never can when I have a panic attack. That’s one of the many drawbacks of this shit happening. I’m lost in a fog the rest of the day and before too long I’ll need to take a nap to recover from the hell my body just went through. Until I started having them, I never truly realized how much panic attacks take a toll on the person having one.

Knowing I can’t continue to pace, I walk over and stand a few feet from Kian, leaning against the wall. Closing my eyes, I try to shut everything out around me and focus on the cool air brushing against my skin and gentle breeze blowing strands of my hair across my face, and the sound of birds chirping happily in the distance. I’m not sure how much time passes before I hear a grunt of pain. My eyes snap open and I find Kian crumpled on the ground next to me.

“Miss me, baby?” Terrence’s cold, hard voice fills the air around me and my eyes drift to the side enough to see him standing over Kian’s prone body as blood seeps from the wound he just gave him and soaks into the pavement beneath his body.

My eyes lock on the pool of blood as it spreads larger by the second. Fear consumes me and my body locks up tight. Terrence is yelling at me, but I can’t understand what he’s saying. The haze surrounding me consumes me easier than normal after having a panic attack. Kian’s chest slowly goes up and down letting me know he’s still breathing despite him not moving. His eyes are closed as if he’s sleeping but I know the truth of the matter. He’s not sleeping and if he doesn’t get help soon I don’t know that he’ll continue breathing either. Snapping out of the haze, I open my mouth to scream. Terrence moves faster than I’ve ever seen him move before and covers my mouth with his dirty hand covered in grime and other substances I don’t want to think about.

“You make one fucking sound and I’ll gut you where you stand,” he promises me, his voice low and lethal as I’ve heard so often in the past. “Let’s fucking go.”

Terrence keeps his hand over my mouth and grabs a handful of my hair, twisting my head at an odd angle. It hurts and I know if I don’t let him take me away with him, he’ll break my neck without hesitation. Letting my body go limp, Terrence drags me away from Phantom Ink. He takes me to a car I’ve never seen before and before he stuffs me into the trunk, I’m hit on the back of my head. Blackness once again fills the edge of my vision and spreads out until I can’t see anything. Next, the sound of everything around me starts to slowly fade into nothing as I feel my body being moved. I’m roughly lifted into someone’s arms and then dropped as if I’m nothing more than a bag of trash into the trunk of the car. The last thing I hear even though it sounds as if it’s a million miles away is the trunk slamming shut as the blackness consumes me and I lose all sense of time and everything around me.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Ghost

WATCHING ALANA LEAVEthe shop brings out every protective instinct I have in me. I don’t want her out of my sight after just witnessing her have the biggest panic attack I’ve ever seen her have since she moved to Pine View. Cage and Joker have looks of defeat and fear filling their features as their eyes lock on their daughter and watch her disappear down the hall and listen as the back door opens and closes behind Kian and her. They both turn their attention to me as Pops takes her seat and his shoulders slump in defeat. I honestly don’t know what I can say to them right now because there are no words that will bring them comfort and the knowledge that she’ll be okay after a nap and time. Alana needs this situation with Terrence over with so she doesn’t have to worry about getting through each day and if she’ll have a panic attack or not. Every single second she’s awake, Alana is consumed in fear and I’m tired of seeing her fake her way through each day.

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