Page 10 of Deceit

“I’m sorry,” Lance says, speaking up and standing straight up next to my grandma as she leans down to see me. “I didn’t know who you are.”

“It’s okay. You’re new and it’s been a long time since I’ve been back home,” I assure him as my grandma looks at him with a smile on her face. “I’m gonna ride up with my sweet girl, Lance. Open the gate for us, please.”

“Of course, ma’am,” he responds, racing to the gatehouse as fast as his legs will carry him while my grandma gets in my car laughing her ass off.

“Sweet girl, I’m not gonna ask why you’re here right now, but we will be having a conversation. Especially since I know you’ve been crying,” Mimi says, her tone firm and unyielding as she looks at me with soft eyes and my own fill with tears once more. “I’m not gonna bitch though because you’re home and I’m gonna take advantage of you being here.”

With a nod of my head, I pull through the gate and head for the parking lot. While I know my parents have a house here, they also have one off the compound and it’s a toss-up which house they’ll be in. At least that’s how it was before I left home. Now, they could only live in one house or the other. I don’t really ask about that kind of stuff when I do talk to my family because it’s not my business. Really, I just don’t want to know because big changes like that mean I’m missing out and that hurts my heart even though the choice to leave was my own and I don’t regret moving to Pine View.

After parking in a spot with the rest of the cars, I shut off the engine and didn’t make any moves to get out of the driver’s seat. Mimi didn’t get out of her seat either. I stared straight ahead of me, memories flooding me of playing outside here around the clubhouse with the rest of the club kids. When they’d let me play with them that is. I’m the youngest kid here and by the time I came along, the rest of the kids were all older than me and just starting to figure out what they liked to do and were finding their place in life and with their friends from school. On the odd occasions they were around the clubhouse, I always felt like a third wheel as they wanted to hang out and not be followed around by a little girl who didn’t have anyone her own age to play with. It made for a lonely existence and one of the reasons I decided to move.

“You know you’re home here, Sweet girl. This will always be your home and no one will ever turn you away,” Mimi says, a sadness in her voice she only reserves for me because she knows how lonely I was growing up. “Everyone misses you and wants to see you.”

“There’s nothing for me here, Mimi. I mean, my family is here but this has never felt like home. I’m the youngest one here and no one ever wanted anything to do with me unless they were forced to hang out with me. I already know that’s what happened when I grew up. The times when the other kids would play with me is because one of you told them to. It was never because they wanted the little, lonely girl around them,” I say, a lone tear sliding slowly down my face and dropping to land on my hand that’s still hanging on tightly to my steering wheel.

“Oh, Brynn,” Mimi says, pulling me awkwardly into her arms as she holds me close to her and lets me cry on her shoulder.

I don’t know how much time passes before I pull back from my grandma and she gently wipes the tears from my face. Without another word, we make our way out of the car and into the clubhouse. Nothing has changed over the years as I look around and take in the few people sitting around the common room with a plate of lunch and drink in front of them. My grandpa is the first one to notice us as he gets out of his seat and moves toward us.

“My baby girl is finally fuckin’ home,” he says, pulling me into his arms and giving me a huge, tight hug that I’ve always associated with him. “Missed you, Brynn.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” I tell him as I hear a chair scrape against the floor and don’t bother looking up to know it’s my mom.

She shoves my grandpa out of the way and pulls me into her arms as my grandpa pulls my grandma into his. My mom doesn’t say anything as my dad makes his way over to us and pulls the two of us into his arms and buries his face in my mom’s neck. The one thing I can say about my parents is they never shy away from showing affection toward one another no matter who’s around. Growing up, their love is what I always told myself I’d strive for when I started dating and finding a guy of my own. A guy like Kingston who I could see myself building something with until I heard about the bet and how I was nothing more than a stipulation he had to do. I can’t believe how bad it honestly hurts to know that’s all it was for the man I could see myself falling for quickly.

Tears fill my eyes and spill over as I start to cry in the middle of the clubhouse common room.

“I see the baby’s back home. Gotta bring the drama right along with her as usual,” my sister Zoey says as everyone in the room starts to laugh.

Sucking in a deep breath, I close my eyes even tighter and try to stop the tears from falling as my mom and dad don’t say anything. No one does.

“I’m gonna head to the house. If you’re staying here on the compound, I’ll go to the other house,” I state, not giving anyone a chance to say anything.

I literally just told my grandma how I feel and she didn’t step up and say anything to my sister. No one ever does. Zoey can do no wrong in everyone’s eyes and I should be used to it by now. Instead it’s just one more thing to hurt my heart and make the cracks that have always been there shatter and splinter even more.

“Sweetheart, why don’t you stay at the house here with us?” my mom asks, looking at my back as I continue to leave the common room.

“I’m sure there’s no room for me there. There never was when I was growing up and I’m sure it’s no different now. Even though Zoey and Maddox have moved out, there’s still no room for me anywhere here,” I say, not waiting for any response as I push through the door and rush to my car with tears streaming down my face that have been held back for far too long.

Getting in my car, I make my way out of the parking lot of the clubhouse and head for the house in town my parents’ own. No one’s there and I pull in the garage and close the door behind me as I sit in my car after parking and shutting the engine off. I don’t know why I bothered to come here when this is how things go every single time I come home. Zoey and Maddox will make snarky comments about me and no one will step in to stop it from happening. They don’t take a second to see the pain and hurt I feel because they don’t care enough about me. Even with my grandma knowing how I feel, she still didn’t say a word because at the end of the day, I’m not supposed to be here. The ‘oops’ baby is nothing more than a young girl who’s supposed to keep her feelings locked down tight and not let anyone hurt her because of who my male family members are. Well, that’s not who I am. I am so hurt and exhausted from trying to keep all of my feelings buried my entire life.

Finally, I get out of the car and grab my bags before making sure it’s locked. Heading in the house, I go straight up to my room. Nothing has changed in the years I’ve been gone. I fall on the top of my bed after setting my bags down carefully so I don’t break my laptop. Closing my eyes, I do nothing to stop the tears from falling as I cry myself to sleep. Just one of the times this has happened over the years. When I’m alone in my room, I can truly be who I am and not feel judged or looked down on for being who I am and feeling what I feel.

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