Page 58 of Pretty Little Disaster

“I just want to know what happened.” I stare across the bed at him, and when he shakes his head and drops his shoulders, I don’t know if I should feel relieved or scared.

“There’s something Icouldtell you,” he admits. “But I don’t think you're going to like it.”

“Tell me, please,” I beg, figuring that nothing can be worse than just wondering, the way I have been since all this happened.

“Just after we found out you were pregnant, Dario sent me on a job. He’d heard of some guy called Doyle, who was selling Russian guns out of the Bronx.” I listen intently as he startsto explain. “Someone who bought a gun from him killed the daughter of one of our district leaders.

I was supposed to go to the house he was selling from, get the name of the buyer, and…” Nic turns his back on me and sits on the bed so I waddle my ass around to stand in front of him.

“And…” I urge him to carry on.

“I was meant to kill him.” He slowly looks up into my eyes, as if he’s scared of my response and I bravely nod my head and hold back my tears when all my suspicions are confirmed.

“Does that happen often?” I ask, hoping that this will be the point where he opens up to me, and when he nods his head, I try very hard not to look disappointed.

“I know it sounds bad, Lorna, but the men I’ve killed, they…they’re bad people. They’re men who don’t deserve to breathe the same air as you and our child, or Madalina and my nieces and nephew.”

“And you get to judge that? Or does Dario?” I question.

“Well, on the day I went to visit Doyle, I did.” He stands up. “Because when I got there, I found a picture of you and him together and a letter that was addressed for you to receive if anything happened to him.” He steps past me and starts pacing the floor.

“I panicked. I never wanted you to have to read that fucking letter, so I called Dario and told him that I wouldn’t do it.” What I’m hearing can’t be true, my father would never put guns on the street, he would never sell for the Russians. He’s the man who stops these kinds of things from happening.

“You walked away?” I step closer when I see past all that and realise what he’s telling me.

“Of course, I walked away. I was never going to kill your dad, Lorna. When I said I’d never hurt you, I meant it.”

All my emotions get the better of me and I rush toward him and wrap my arms around his body, clinging to him so tight, I knock the wind out of him.

“Thank you.” I breathe him in, trying my best not to cry.

“Lorna, he’s still dead,” Nic points out, a little too abruptly but I look up at him and smile all the same.

“Butyoudidn’t kill him. I would never have been able to forgive that. There’s a lot I can accept, but not that.”

I feel his hands grip around me and his shoulders sag.

“He came to Malibu because he cared about you. He thought I was a danger but instead, he brought trouble with him. I can’t be sure, but I think it was the Russians that killed him. Dario did checks on all Madalina’s friends before he married her, and your father never flagged up as being an agent. If he was working undercover that would explain why, and it would also give the Russians a reason to want him dead.”

“And now what?” I ask, trying my best to take everything in.

“I think it’s over. I think they hired someone to hit their mark, the mission was a success and to them, it’s just a lesson learned,” he tells me softly, and I hate to think that my father’s life was just a lesson to someone.

“Let’s go to sleep, baby.” Nic guides me to my side of the bed, helping me under the covers then taking the coco butter that Madalina swears will stop me getting stretch marks. He scoops some in his hand and makes soft circles over my outstretched skin.

“How many?” I ask, needing to know more about the work he does for Dario.

“I don’t keep count.” He focuses on his hand, and when the baby responds to his movements he manages a tiny, sad smile.

“Do you enjoy it?”

“Sometimes.” He closes his eyes as if he’s ashamed of his answer.

“Does Madalina know?”

“I don’t think so.” His head shakes, and he refuses to look up at me.

“Okay.” I take a deep exhale as I let it sink in and suddenly his head lifts up and his face looks confused.

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