Page 24 of Outcast

It was fucked up, but I reveled in the touch of her skin. I needed the contact for just a little longer.

"Because I couldn't!" I shouted. Fuck. I didn't lose it like this. Rita did. I was the voice of reason, the mask. Collecting myself, I pulled her arms around me, forcing the hug. She let me, but not without a heavy dose of suspicion in her eyes. "Andre and the others were taking over the Institution. If I'd stayed, more people would have died. Loyalties would have been divided."

"They'd never let that happen. It wouldn't if you'd just stood together," she argued.

I shook my head. "The Institution isn't like the Dirty Dogs. Men would have fought just because they could, if they thought it would gain them more power. Or if they thought I was the ticket to the ways of the old Institution."

"You're delusional." She tried to step back, but I cupped her cheek and she froze. Her nostrils flared as she dropped her gaze to my throat.

"No, I'm not. They needed me gone to take the head of the Institution. I needed to stay gone to figure out who the hell I am. As much as I wish it wasn't true, everyone is better off without me there," I said softly.

Her gaze snapped up. "You wanted to leave," she accused.

"I had to."

"Because you didn't want to live the crime life anymore." A statement. An accusation.

"I couldn't keep watching the people I cared about die!"

"You cared about Amorette! You found her sister for her! You knew she'd make contact and tell them you were alive! Youcareso fucking much about Amorette and your brothers who,for years, never gave a shit about you. What about me?" She yanked herself out of my arms and slapped her chest. "What about the Dirty Dogs?" Her voice started to shake. "What about Javier? We were there for you! Always fucking there for you!"

I pressed my lips together. "So what? You think just because Vicente's dead, everything is magically fixed? People aren't territorial or money hungry anymore? If I came back to the Dirty Dogs, that would have started a different kind of war."

One I would never allow. I cared too fucking much about all of them. About Rita.

"It was better to make a clean break. To let you forget me!" Did she think that was easy for me? To constantly walk away from what I wanted? What I needed?

I was making this new life for myself because it was the best I could do forthem.

Fuck, my entire life had been a black cloud. For a second, yes, I enjoyed what it felt like to breathe without looking over my shoulder. I fucking enjoyed it.

But I never would have come here if it wasn't for her. For Javier. For my brothers.

All I did was make decisions based on everyone else's safety.

"Javier had a heart attack, Matias." Rita threw her hands down toward the floor. "Who did he ask for when he woke up? You! He said you should be there. That you had to really be dead, otherwise you would have come back to see him. To see us." She spun as my world expanded and contracted to that moment.

Javier was more like a father to me than Vicente ever was. He was the reason I was alive.

If he'd had a heart attack...

He was going to go out in glory. In the heat of a battle, not because of some fucking heart attack.

My vision wavered and cotton filled my ears.

"He's okay?" I asked, but the words sounded far away.

Glancing over her shoulder, she nodded. I released the breath I'd been holding.

Then her phone buzzed.

We stared at each other for a few seconds. Then in slow motion, she pulled it from her bag.

She didn't have to tell me what happened. I didn't have the courage to ask what I already knew.

Her face crumpling said it all. Then her wail. I rushed to her, gathering her in my arms as hot tears fell on my arms.

"No, no, no. This isn't right. This isn't happening. We have to go back, Matías." She dropped her face against my shoulder. "We have to go back."

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