Page 76 of Outcast

"I'm mad at you, Matías. You should hate me."

He canted his head. "Funny. I don't. And youshouldbe mad at me. I fucked up." Swiping a hand through his hair, Matías turned his head for a brief second before swinging hurt eyes back to me. “I did, okay. I fucked up. I could have done a million things differently, but I can’t change it. IbelievedI was doing the right thing. The best I could do for you and for my family. I can’t change it,” he repeated on a broken whisper.

I was still stuck in a bubble of grief and stress and his words made sense, but at the same time, it was like I was in an alternate reality.

The best for me? I started shaking my head, but it was pointless. He really thought that. But it didn’t change anything, did it? He broke my heart with the best of intentions, but he still broke my heart. Who was to say he wouldn’t do it again?

Like he was shaking off the unwanted emotions, he shook his head and sighed as he walked up to the door. "You're dressed. Grab your shoes and we can go. You want to drive?"

I jerked back in whiplash.

"What is wrong with you?" We never went out to eat before. We met at the compound, our clubs, or under the cover of dark. At the time, I'd thought it was sexy and mysterious. Dangerous and thrilling.

Now, a little older, and fuck of a lot more jaded, I saw it for what it was. I had been a dirty little secret.

Licking his bottom lip, he held my gaze. "I did everything wrong the first time. You were right about some of the things you said last night, but not all of them. This is me correcting my mistakes."

"By feeding me?"

A ghost of a smile slid over his face. "Sure, if that's what you want to take from this."

I started shaking my head and tried to close the door. He stopped it with a hand. I glanced up at him, and his face had sobered to the point of being depressingly sad. "If you don't want to go with me, that's fine. I won't force you. Despite what you think, I would never force a woman to do anything."

A twinge flared in my chest as I remembered one comment I'd made out of spite. I hadn't meant it.

"However, I will not leave. If this new club has their sights set on you, you need to be guarded. I thought Esteban would have stayed with you last night. Yet, when I drove by early this morning his car wasn't here. But yours was." Matías glanced toward my baby in the drive. "Why didn't you put her in the garage?"

I wasn't sure. Which was really fucking telling for where my headspace had been last night.

"Esteban wanted to come but I needed time to myself." I needed to take up for him. I had pushed him away last night so him not being here was my doing.

"Then he should have sat on your porch or had some of the other Dirty Dogs protecting you." Judgment clung to his shoulders as he surveyed the street. He didn't trust the men wouldn't drive by again.

I almost caved.

"I don't want breakfast. And I'm not going to invite you in. Thank you, but I'm leaving in a few minutes to go to the compound." I closed the door quietly and he didn't protest.

My heart fluttered in my chest. This was fucking hard. Why now? What was so different about now over last month? Hell, six months ago?

Peeking out the window, I held my breath. He wouldn't hear me, but he'd be able to see me checking on him.

Like he'd said Esteban needed to do, he sat down on the top step like he did this every day.

Going back into the kitchen, I grabbed a banana and scarfed it down. It was tough. It wasn't anywhere near as delicious as the food at my favorite cafe, but I'd be damned if I rolled over and allowed Matías back into my life with a few pretty words.

They felt good. They might even have started to mend the broken pieces inside me. But I couldn't forget. Actions spoke louder than words, and all this man had ever done was meet me in the dark.

Ten minutes later,I stepped outside. After checking to make sure no gangs were lurking in the bushes.

Matías hopped up and dusted off his jeans. I took a second to study him while he wasn't looking at me.

He wore jeans and a T-shirt today. An outfit so very different from anything he would have worn before. When we were together, he mostly wore suits or some variations of business casual. I used to get a kick out of it, but now, it was just one more sign I should have paid attention to that we didn't fit.

"See something you like?" he asked mildly.

I stiffened. "Nope." Breezing past, I slid my sunglasses on my face. "I'm just shocked to see you out of a suit."

"I found that suits weren't really my thing. I'm in my new era of figuring out who the hell I am. More importantly, who I wanted to be." He'd said all that so innocently, like he was on some quest in a fantasy book.

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