Page 79 of Fractured

The message was from Kenzo.

Kenzo:Are you outside by chance? I’m missing my girl.

Me: No, we had a change of plans. But I’ll be home later.

Kenzo: ? okay. I guess that will have to do. I’ll bring the stuff home to make cottoncandy cocktail for you. I know it’s your favorite.

Me:Okay. See you then.

That sounded odd, even to myself.

After a few minutes, Harper closed her laptop and set it on the coffee table. “All right. That’s done for the night. You know, we haven’t had a session in a while. You want to chat it out?” She relaxed her body into the couch and crossed her legs on the cushion.

I floundered for a second, then cracked up laughing, imagining all the things I might say. No, I needed to hold my tongue. Preserving our friendship was more important to me right now, and she was giving me a bit of the normal I craved.

“Actually, I’d rather just have a fun, relaxing night. Veg out as we watch something funny. Is that okay?” I held my breath as I waited for her to answer.

“Yeah, totally. Let me grab us some snacks.”

When it was all said and done, we curled up together with a soft, velvety blanket and watched four episodes of a new series on Netflix. By the time I got home, everything was turned off and the guys were sleeping in various places around the living room. Waiting for me.

Because I was a horrible girlfriend, I tiptoed by them and climbed into bed. My current reality was far too sweet for me to rip it open with my issues. I wanted to keep it for just a little while longer, even if it wasn’t what it could have been.

Tears hit my pillow as I worried over every decision I was going to make in the coming days. I just wanted to enjoy this for a little while longer, but the tears were ruining it.

Eighteen

Just play me a song and sing me to sleep. - October 6th

“I thinkwe should spank her ass.” Kenzo, my fun-loving boyfriend, sounded incensed.

“Come on, guys. You didn’t see her on the porch yesterday. She’s having a hard time right now.” Atticus, my sweet lover, was always the understanding one.

“Okay, that I get, but how can we do that when she doesn’t let us take care of her?” I sighed into my pillow as Saint’s words melted over me like warm summer honey.

“I still say the best way to take care of her is to spank her ass so she doesn’t cut us out again. Then we can make up.” This time, Kenzo sounded less angry and just resigned. Maybe a tad horny.

“I don’t think she needs or wants sex right now, Kenzo.” Ambrose sighed as his footsteps brought him closer to the bed.

I was waking up from my sleep, drifting back into the land of the living. The light scent of Kenzo’s cologne filled my nose, and I pushed deeper into the pillow. I loved the way he smelled, like a sunny day of sex on the beach.

The floor creaked as Ambrose crouched beside the bed, right by my head. His warm breath fanned across my cheek, and his fingers shifted some hair away from my face.

It was so tender, it broke my heart.

“Then what does she need?” Kenzo’s voice moved closer until I was sure he stood right behind Ambrose. I couldn’t open my eyes. Once I did, the day would start, and I’d have to do some things that were going to be hard for them to deal with, but they’d be okay. I was a poisonous splinter that had gotten under their skin, and if I didn’t work my way out, they never would.

If I ended up dragging them down with me, I’d never forgive myself, and at this point, forgiveness was all I really had.

Wasn’t it?

“She needs us,” Saint whispered as he approached too.

Shit, why did they have to be so sweet and perfect? Why were they everything I needed at the wrong time in my life?

Had they come into my life at an earlier time, could I have done something different? Managed the inevitable in a different, more successful way?

I wanted to believe that was the case, but I’d created routines and boundaries to fight genetics and it hadn’t worked. Maybe it was better this way. They didn’t really know me, not enough to be destroyed without me.

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