Page 76 of Fractured

Shit, I knew exactly where I was.

But how?

The sun was setting so it had to be three, maybe four, in the afternoon. But what happened to the last several hours? The last thing I remembered…

I had been talking to Ambrose on the porch.

“Lilith?”

Autumn bent down to stare me in the face, worry etched in every wrinkle around her eyes. Curly red hair spilled out of a clip, reminding me of the only cartoon I really remembered from my childhood. Her colorful outfit lent to the Ms. Frizzle vibe.

“Hm?” My brain was foggy, like I’d just come out of a dream.

“What are you doing here?”

When she said here, she meant on a bench by the entrance to the cemetery where my father was buried. My instincts screamed for me to search the grounds to make sure I wouldn’t have an accidental run in with Drake or Mrs. Daniels, but I kept my gaze on Autumn.

“Oh, I—uh, my dad is buried here.” I curled my hands in my lap so my nails cut into my palms.

Was this real?

Or was I dreaming? This felt real. The bench was warm underneath me, and the dead grass crunched under my shoes as I shifted them. The floral scent autumn had always worn lingered in the air around us. But if it was, why couldn’t I remember what had happened?

Her mouth made an O. “I didn’t realize. My mother-in-law is buried here too.” She sat down next to me and watched a dead leaf scoot across the pavement in front of us. The whole time she thought I was mourning my father when I was lost on how I made it here in the first place.

“I’m…sorry.”

“It’s okay. She was a cranky old cow who didn’t know how to keep her nose out of my business.” Autumn hmphed and crossed her arms over her chest.

Unable to contain myself, I snorted out a laugh. This was the worst time to find anything funny, but that was so unexpected.

“Did you know Eli is buried here?” She looked at me out of the corner of her eye, and it made sense now why she’d stop to talk to me. I think?

I mean, she probably thought I was… I take that back, I had no idea what she thought. I couldn’t quite think right at this exact moment.

“I did.” Everyone in our small town knew where Eli was buried.

She nodded. What else was there to say?

He didn’t deserve it. Your mom is psycho. Drake was on the verge of suicide because I wasn’t strong enough to give him the closure he thought he’d get from me.

All of that would be true, but she said none of it.

“Did you speak to Drake? And please, don’t think this is me saying that you should.”

“I…I wanted to, but I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. And honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to face him. I know what Lauren did had nothing to do with me…I just can’t help feeling guilty.” Because I couldn’t remember what happened. Because there were too many gaps and unanswered questions.

“That’s completely understandable. From what I understand from Mrs. Daniels, Drake is in a bad spot right now, but with time, I’m sure he’ll come to understand too.”

If he lived that long.

If he found the strength to forgive himself.

If, if, if.

This time, I nodded.

The conversation died, and an uncomfortable silence fell between us. It was sharp and sawed at me with a painfully dull blade.

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