Page 22 of Fractured

Slowly untangling my limbs from around him, I lay quietly underneath him as sweat and salt dried on my skin.

He took a few deep breaths, then sat up, using one hand to hold the condom on as he slipped out of me. I couldn’t hold in the small sound of disappointment.

“I have to say, your brand of fun is better than mine.” Kenzo grinned down at me.

I laughed.

“Hand me my clothes please?” I asked as I looked around to see our clothes scattered all over the sand.

“Sure.” He hopped up to his feet and pulled the condom off, tying a knot in the end. We got dressed in comfortable silence. While walking back up to his Jeep, he reached back over to take my hand. I should have pushed him away, but I liked it too much. Never one for public displays of any kind, it surprised me that I enjoyed it. Maybe it was just Kenzo and his infectious personality. He was just someone you wanted to be around, and telling him no for any reason was going to be difficult. It already was.

“Game for anything else?” He opened the passenger side for me.

“I hate to say it, but no.” I stuck my hand up the back of my shirt to wipe away the sand.

He immediately deflated, but didn’t protest.

“When can I see you again?”

An unwanted fist clenched around my heart as I stared up into beautiful eyes that could have been mine to stare into if I were more confident in myself. But I didn’t have it in me to love and have my heart broken. And as soon as this man understood who I was, he would leave.

I just wasn’t strong enough.

Reaching up, I cupped the side of his throat. “Soon. Asfriends.” I stressed the last word.

He dipped his head as if he’d sighted prey he couldn’t resist. Part of me was sad that I’d have to hurt him, and the other part was hoping he’d succeed in capturing me. “Friends. For now.”

“For always.”

And I shut the door, on both him and the conversation. Luckily, he didn’t bring it up on the way back to town. Instead, we talked about bar drinks, songs, and sand in unfortunate places.

I had turned him down, but as I watched him drive away, why did it feel like I had broken my own heart?

Seven

My mother once said that blueberries were the root of all evil, and some days, I believe her. - September 2nd

There werefive cemeteries on the outskirts of town. The one Dad was buried in was coincidentally, the one Eli was buried in. When I found out a few years ago, I couldn’t believe the irony of it all. It was like the world was playing a cosmic joke on that poor family.

I’d never known Eli, not really. He’d been so young, and I had just graduated high school. We’d only lived on that street for two years before the night Lauren would show her true colors.

All because the boy was eating from a small bag of blueberries when he’d knocked on our door. It was summer, and he’d decided to make a lemonade stand on the corner. The little kid thought it would drum up business if he went door to door to let everyone know he was selling glasses of lemonade for twenty-five cents.

Shaking off the memories, I strolled through the rows of headstones until I found the one I was looking for. A small fake bouquet of blue morning glories was sticking out of a plastic column next to the headstone. I sat down cross-legged on the grass and read the words written on the stone for the thousandth time.

Robert Russo

Beloved Father

March 1, 1975 - July 19, 2008

The text was pathetically slim, covering the bare minimum. But neither of my parents had maintained relationships with their families, refusing to talk about them. They also weren’t married, so of course it only said beloved father. I wished we’d been able to do more, but Lauren couldn’t hold down a job at the best of times, and I’d been thirteen at the time.

I didn’t make it out here as often as I should, but I was glad I’d thought about it today. After my last visit with Lauren, Dad had been in my thoughts, and I’d been wondering how life might have been different if he’d stayed.

Over the last few days, I’d experienced grief, regret, and anger. How could he have left me with that woman? What kind of person would do that when all the signs were there? And instead of thinking of someone other than himself, he took the easy way out.

Sometimes, I idolized him for being the only good thing in my younger life. But then other times? I hated him just as much as Lauren.

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