Page 16 of Fractured

The other chair across from her was empty, so I slid into it as I watched her. She was nearly catatonic, which wasn’t surprising. For weeks after first going off of her meds, she had been like this, a catatonic zombie barely living as she walked through life.

“Hey,” I said again, and this time, her unfocused gaze locked with mine.

“Lilith.” There was no inflection in her voice. Nothing to let me know she was happy to see me or hated the air I breathed. Just nothing.

“How are you doing?” I kept it light. For now. Depending on how she reacted, would decide the questions I asked, if I asked any at all.

“Why are you here? You took him away. He would still be here if it weren’t for you.”

So, she waskind oflucid. What Sophia really meant was that she wasn’t causing trouble.

“You know that’s not true. I didn’t make him leave us any more than you did.” At least this was an old argument that didn’t hurt me quite so much anymore. I mean, outside of his DNA running through my veins.

“He couldn’t handle it. Having a daughter was too stressful for him. It sucked the happiness right from his bones.” She pinched her bottom lip as she looked at her knees. “That’s why he hung himself.”

A familiar pang squeezed my heart, but I was used to it by now. She’d been spewing the same exact words since I was thirteen. I’d have loved to say that moment was when she really cracked, but she’d had plenty of episodes before that. When I was younger, I used to blame her for Dad’s depression.

As an adult, I realized he was just sick. He never stood a chance against the chemistry in his brain.

“You know, I miss him.” I’d never said that to her before. And it was a very real chance she’d flip out. Or maybe that was what I was hoping for? So I could leave and say I tried to get the answers, feel good about myself for half-assed attempts.

Her eyes teared up and leaked over the edges. “I do too. He was the only one that understood me.”

“He loved you.” Dad had loved me too. When he was on top of the world, he was the best dad I could have asked for. He gave me my only happy childhood memories, and for that, I could overlook his lows.

“He did.”

Barely a few minutes in her presence, and I was ready to bolt. It didn’t matter if she was violent, calm, lucid, passed out, I hated her. I tried to ask her once why she had a child when she knew she had so many mental issues, but she had smiled and said, ‘To have someone who would love me.’ Only she would forget that. Actually, the more probable answer was that never meant she had to love me back.

“I got a call from Autumn. Do you remember her?” I jumped in with two feet.

“Nice lady.”

“Great, that’s great you remember. She said Mrs. Daniels’ son wants to talk to me. Do you remember them?” For Drake’s sake, I really hoped she didn’t. Because then, if he ever cornered me again, I’d have nothing to tell him. She couldn’t remember and she was mentally ill.

“They were great neighbors.” She started to rock ever so slightly in her chair. Nothing to outwardly signify she was distressed yet, but I knew from years of studying her body language, she didn’t want to talk about them.

“They were. And Eli?”

“Eli, Eli, Eli,” she murmured to herself as her rocking intensified. “I don’t think I do.”

I gripped the arms of the chair and watched my knuckles whiten from the force. “Are you sure? He was the child you killed that night. You don’t remember that?”

“No, I never killed anyone. How could you even say that?” She scowled at me, but there was a glimmer of awareness in her eyes that made me think she did remember.

“Okay, Lauren.” I bent forward to stand up, but she stopped me when she extended a hand my way.

Luckily, my chair was too far away for her to actually touch.

“Why didn’t you call me mom?” Whatever lucidity I had seen disappeared with her question. A childlike hurt appeared on her face.

“Because you’ve never been one. I’ll see you next time.” I left her in the corner as I flagged down Hayden across the room. He grinned and nodded in acknowledgment as he led the way back to the front.

“Good visit?” He looked back over his shoulder.

“Very good,” I answered.

I barely remembered going through the motions as I left. Nothing good ever came of that place, and yet, it was the poison I tried to cure myself with.

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