“Yes?” I edged backwards, feeling incredibly stupid that I hadn’t brought my pepper spray with me. My neighborhood was a good one, if a little on the poorer side, and the hospital was heavily guarded, so why would I have brought it?
“I’m not here to hurt you. No need to look like a frightened fucking rabbit about to bolt. My name’s Drake Daniels. Eli’s older brother.”
I could see it. The resemblance.
The burnished red in his brown hair, the shape of his chin, the tall and stocky build. Even though Eli had only been seven, I could still see him stamped all over this man. How could I not have known he had a brother?
That one was easy. I spent too little time in our neighborhood, because they knew Lauren and most people had treated me like a pariah by association.
“You can’t be here.” I started shaking my head. I hadn’t agreed to talk to him.
“I figured you would say no, so I wanted to come find you. After what happened, you probably want to forget we ever existed, but I can’t. It’s all I think about when I sleep, all I think about when I work. You’re the only one who can help me.”
He held both hands up as if he was surrendering, which was the oddest thing he could have done. Nothing about this stranger said he was giving up anything. More like he was here to take what he wanted and it didn’t matter that I hadn’t given permission.
“You can’t be here,” I repeated and tried to reverse so fast, I fell on my butt against my locked door. Scrambling to my feet, my hands trembled as I tried to stab the key into the door, but it wouldn’t go.
He was freaking me out, and I knew it, recognized it, but I was powerless to stop it.
“Hey, hey.” His voice softened, but the way it arced across my skin left me feeling inhuman, like the demon spawn my mother always said I was. In the back of my head, I knew he would think I was just as bad as Lauren. How could he not? He gripped my arm, but I jerked out of his grasp, slamming my back against the wall, my breathing coming too rapidly.
No. I shook my head. I wasn’t like my mother. And I wasn’t responsible for anything she did. It didn’t matter if Mrs. Daniels had told me I was worse than dirt over her cheating husband’s grave because I was the product of someone evil.
“Okay. Okay, okay.” He kept repeating that one word, as if it would lull me into a sense of safety, but there was no safety in the past. I was only as strong as I was because I did everything to distance myself from it.
I saw that now.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Daniels. I can’t help you, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll forget I ever existed. Nothing good can come of talking to me. Wouldn’t you rather forget?” I pled, clasping my hands together and covering my eyes, squeezing them tight.
“But I can’t forget. That’s the problem,” he whispered like he wasn’t talking to me anymore. “And you were my last hope.”
Lowering my hands, I looked up at him. For a brief second, it looked like there were tears in his eyes and blood on his lip, but when I blinked, both were gone. Had I imagined those?
No, it was probably a trick of the light and squeezing my eyes shut. My vision blurred, and I had to blink a few times when I opened my eyes. And if he bit his lip, he probably licked it off.
Drake pulled a card out of his pocket and pressed it into one of my limp hands. “If you change your mind, give me a call. Talking might be good for you too.”
He backed up and walked down the narrow walkway.
“Just do it soon,” he called. “I might change my mind, then there’d be no one here to help you. And lady, you clearly need help.”
Belatedly, I realized my pulse was pounding so hard in my temples, I felt like I could drop at any second. I focused on taking some deep breaths and thought of the soothing notes of the cello.
Yes, that was it. The comfort in music was the only way to get myself under control.
Walking inside, I opened my case and pulled the cello and bow from the velvet lining. Arranging my work station in the cramped living room, I closed my eyes and began to play. But I didn’t play off of any sheet music. Or remembered pieces from past performances.
Right now, in this moment, I needed to regulate my heartbeat, calm my troubled mind, and feel the vibrations traveling through my body. So, I played random, long soothing notes in a discordant order, just to hear the music.
Once I felt back to myself, I set the bow over my lap, allowing my stiff posture to soften.
There were so many thoughts going through my mind, and at the same time, it was like I couldn’t grasp a single one to examine it. My brain was a jumbled mess.
See Lauren or not see Lauren.
The fear of cracking after finding out exactly what happened was so strong, I could taste the bitter notes in the back of my throat. But I also had this strange, almost compelling desire to know. For me. And for Eli.
Even if I never did anything with the information, I wanted to know for the sake of my sanity. Because if I didn’t, I would go crazy from thelackof knowledge. It was already starting, imagining all the possible things that might have happened that night.