“Sorry,” I told him. “I didn’t mean to laugh.”
He grumbled under his breath until he turned to me, his eyes lighting up in amusement. “Well, it’s true. I am a star patient. And Saint is right as well—this is what Harper does, and she’s your best friend. She would want to help you. I think you should tell her everything.”
Should I?
A tendril of fear trickled down the back of my neck at what she would try and do. How she would react to knowing I’d been lying to her all these years. But they were right—if I wanted to get better, I had to start somewhere.
“Hand me my phone.” I nudged Saint. He grabbed it off the nightstand and unplugged it from the charger before handing it to me.
“That was way too easy,” Kenzo whispered to the room as if I couldn’t hear him.
If I were more myself, I might have rolled my eyes. “I don’t want to be this way. So your job wasn’t really that hard. And you are catching me a particularly lucid moment.”
They all laughed, some more like huffs than actual laughter, but it still made me feel good.
Then I called Harper. I didn’t tell her everything, but I did start with who I was dating, and when I mentioned Atticus, she didn’t flip out like I thought she might. She also didn’t squeal in delight because I “added him to my harem.” It was a calm statement, that she hoped he was treating me well. We talked for about twenty minutes, while the guys all sent me encouraging smiles.
I felt better than I had in a long time. Some of the tension I’d been holding onto slipped away the longer we talked. It wasn’t a cure-all, but it was a start. And now I just needed to continue on this path so I kept myself and others safe.
Later that day, I even got my cello out and played for the guys.
It was the best ending to a horrific day, but I’d take it.
Nineteen
… - October 7th
“How are you feeling?”Saint touched my arm as he moved around me to get to the sink.
I picked up a nice cool glass of sweet tea, but I answered him before taking a sip. “Good. Surprisingly good today.”
“Good.” He kissed the side of my head as he moved back around me. “I have a shift, but I’ll be back this evening. You need anything from the store?”
“No, Atticus went shopping this morning, and he and Ambrose are planning something that’s supposed to be amazing for dinner.” At first, I’d worried I wouldn’t be able to eat it. My appetite had been hit or miss, but right now, I was actually famished. Maybe with my good days, I would be my normal self.
“Okay, I’ll see you later,” he called as the screen door shut behind him.
Laughter from kids down the block with the occasional sound of a car driving on the pavement made the moment seem normal.
I hummed to myself as I pulled out sheet music I hadn’t looked at in ages. With my drink next to me, I poured over the solo Randolf had wanted me to play. Out of sheer nostalgia, I almost messaged Thea to see if any of my old orchestra were getting together anytime soon.
If they were, I might like to attend. Maybe.
To see if I could actually play with them or not. I wanted to say I was ready, but since Randolf’s death, something about playing didn’t feel the same. It didn’t give me the same happiness or escape it once had. I missed it, and I was set on getting my love of playing back.
Last night had been amazing, considering, but it had still been missing something.
Kenzo opened the door and kicked his shoes off on the mat, arranging them neatly. He wasn’t actually that neat of a person, but he made the attempt for me. From the very beginning, it hadn’t been a secret that I needed things to be a certain way.
I loved them for trying to make me happy.
And I think I always would.
“Okay, bar’s all taken care off. I have one of my bartenders covering me for the next few days so I can just hang out with you.” He grinned as he approached the table.
“So you can watch me?” I wasn’t too sour over it, because at the end of the day, I knew I needed the support.
“No! Of course not! And if we were trying to babysit you, don’t you think it would be Saint or Ambrose doing the sitting? I’m the fun bartender, and Atticus is too understanding.”