Page 64 of Busted Dreams

“I…am a little surprised,” she managed to say, still holding my shirt up.

“Let go.” I covered her hand with mine and slowly uncurled her fingers. This time, she let me. “I have a spare shirt in my car, and believe it or not, I’ve been doing laundry practically my whole life.” I had wanted to break the tension with a little humor, but it came across as scathing.

“Listen, Astrid. I have to go. I’ll talk to you later?” I asked as I rubbed my eyelids with my thumb and forefinger.

Astrid was quiet until I lowered my hand. “Nope. I’m still your friend. You might need a hazard sign to hang out with me, but I’m still going with you.” She conveniently left out the myriad of tattoos she just got a peek at, which was probably good.

“You’re really going to do this?”

“Really. You might think you need to be alone, but you don’t. Come on. Let’s go grab some real food.”

“We’re going to be skipping school.” I pointed a finger at her. She was just as focused on her grades as I was, so this made no sense.

“You’re more important than attending an afternoon of school. Art is one of those classes anyway, and it’s not like I don’t have access to my teacher.” Meaning Thatcher. “We get so many unexcused absences anyway. This is my first. That hardly makes me a delinquent.” She rolled her eyes as she grabbed my hand to lead me out of the school.

We breezed right through the large double doors, passing tons of people who had no problem staring at our clasped hands or my stained shirt. If it bothered Astrid at all, she didn’t show it.

“I know you drove us today, but I think I should drive.” She glanced over her shoulder as we weaved through the mixture of new and old cars in the parking lot.

“Why?”

“Because your hand is shaking pretty badly and I don’t want us to get in an accident.” That was logical. And reasonable. Yet she didn’t understand.

Lifting my free hand, itwasshaking. Little uncontrollable tremors that betrayed how worked up I was. I really needed to go see Mollie.

Choosing my battles, I gave her the keys and moved to the passenger seat. Once we were inside, she didn’t immediately start the car, instead firing off a few rapid text messages.

“What are you doing?”

“Letting Thatcher know not to come today, and then telling Rhys I’m leaving. That way he doesn’t freak out if he doesn’t see me,” she said distractedly as she typed some more. “There. Now where to?”

When she looked at me, her blue eyes were so open and honest. All she wanted to do was help me, and all I ever did was hide from her. Suddenly, I felt ashamed. And not worthy of the friendship she’d kind of forced on me. Not that I regretted it. It was probably the one saving grace to this year.

“I need to go somewhere. Do you promise not to judge me?” I asked in a rush, nervous as hell about putting myself on the line, but practicing a little bit of that wretched hope that was responsible for my broken dream today.

If I hadn’t cared about it so much, placed so much faith in the cosmic good of the universe, then I wouldn’t have crashed so hard after reading the letter. So what if the guy thought I had talent? It didn’t win the scholarship. It disqualified me all together.

She immediately turned wary, tipping her head in suspicion. “That depends. You aren’t still mixed up in drugs or anything, right? I thought that was all behind you.” For a second, I heard the bitter disappointment in her tone.

It burned me.

“No. Nothing like that. This is about me only.” I pressed my quivering hands to my thighs, realizing they were both bouncing too. This was the worst I’d felt in a long time. I’d almost thought I’d gotten over the need. Ha!

More fool me.

“Then you got it.” She turned the car on, then paused. “I hope I’m not coming across as judgmental, because after being raised in the church, that’s the last thing I want to be. Or insensitive by not letting you be alone.” Turning to look at me, I was snared in her compassionate gaze. “I care about you and want the best for you. That’s all.”

I smiled. Kind of.

“I know. You could never be that way. Don’t be afraid you’re only a product of your environment. Don’t tell anyone, but after meeting you and your family, it makes me think maybe my dreams weren’t so farfetched.” The main one anyway. “If you want the truth, I don’t want to be alone. I was afraid of what you’d think if you knew my secret.”

“Now I’m even more excited to know. Where to and are cameras off limits?”

I rattled off the address and let her know that was fine. Mollie wouldn’t care.

Where the silences had been stifling and chock full of tension earlier, we’d lulled into something more comfortable. The quiet actually helped some. I still felt like I needed the needle like I needed to breath, but I wasn’t crawling out of my skin.

“What happened to you?” I cupped my knees and turned to study her profile.

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